Nineteen Years Seven Months Fourteen Days
by Kathleen Russell
Summary: Kitty has to come to terms with the Death of Matt Dillon. There had been so many close calls, but there would be no more close calls, no more long loving nights with the only man in her life.
1. It Isn't True

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 1**

Okay, here is a new story, but be aware that my internet service is wishy washy 'cause I have wireless, kind of sort of. I will not go into explaining it. Needless to say, once again, I am having problems with it and problems never stop. So, please read on and enjoy. And there will be lots of angst, lots of joy and so on. My muse is working overtime, she's trying to catch up for lost time.

KR

**It Isn't True**

Kitty watched as the casket moved passed her in slow motion. She knew that she wouldn't be able to hold on much longer, her legs were weak and felt as though they would give out beneath her. She felt a familiar tightening in her chest, one which she had experienced many times, usually when Matt had been injured and she had waited to see if he would live or die. There was a constant pounding in her head as she could not get her mind to believe what was going on. Matt, after all these years, was dead. No matter how hard she tried, she was unable to comprehend that he would never come back to her. Nineteen years, seven months and fourteen days. That would be her only comfort at night, to know that she had nearly twenty years with him and that was all she had to show for their relationship. No ring, no home, no children, she had nothing of his, but his heart, which in this cold world it would not be enough. Nineteen years, seven months and fourteen days, would be all that their lives together had amounted to. Her heart broke in two, there was nothing left for her. How would she live without him? How could she live without him? He was her entire world. She lived and breathed for him, would she now die without him? She wanted Matt back, she wanted him in her arms and wanted to beg him forgiveness for their last argument. She didn't mean it, any of it. She just wanted her life back. The tears streamed freely down her face as she watched the soldiers place the large wooden casket into the buckboard, where Percy Crump sat in the seat waiting, quietly watching the four men and the woman as they gathered to appropriate the body of a longtime friend and marshal. Sitting in his perch, he watched the beautiful redhead, whose smile could usually light up the valley, desperately hold onto to any semblance of composure possible. He could see, even from his seat on the buckboard that she was trembling, her

Festus stayed close to her. His arm was wrapped tightly around her waist, trying to keep her from falling. He could feel her body trembling in his arms. Newly was on the other side of her, taking her arm. Newly too, could feel her trembling. Doc wiped the tears from his eyes, and turned from the casket in time to see the color drain from Kitty's face. He watched as she fell to the ground, Newly holding onto her tightly. He slid his arms under her legs and picked her up.

"Newly, get her up to my office. Festus, would you tend to things here. I'm gonna go up and make sure she is alright." Doc said looking at Newly who headed to Doc's buggy where he gently laid Kitty down on the seat. He had kept her sitting in the corner and climbed onto the back as Doc climbed into the seat and they headed for Doc's office.

"Sure thang, Doc." He said softly as Doc quickly followed after Newly. Festus watched as they loaded the casket onto the buckboard. He felt his heart fall into his belly. His best-friend was dead. He had been shot down in the street by a young buck trying to make a name for himself, but shooting an unarmed man only got him the end of a rope. Festus didn't want to believe it was true, that is why he had to ride out to Hayes to see for himself. He then wired Doc and told him that Mathew was dead and that he would make arrangements to have Mathew's body sent home. He had not taken the train, instead he opted to ride Buck home. He would get there before the train and be able to help with other arrangements. As he climbed up into the buckboard with Percy, he thought back to the day they had gotten the wire.

Kitty sat at the table as Doc came into the saloon. She had gotten a wire and sat there staring at it. She had a shot of whiskey sitting in front of her that she did not touch. Festus was sitting to her left and Newly to her right. Festus held her hand and she continued to stare into thin air. Doc walked over to the three of them.

"Sam came to my office, told me about the wire and told me to get over here right quick." He said sitting his bag on the table. He looked at Kitty, then signaled Festus to step away and speak with him in private. "Has she said anything?" Doc asked Festus.

"She keeps saying it isn't true. Other than that she ain't said nary a word." He said looking over at Kitty.

Doc shook his head and headed back towards Kitty. By this time the tears were falling down her cheeks. Doc reached into his bag and pulled out some Laudenum. He knew that it wasn't what he wanted to give her, but it would be the quickiest way to get her to sleep. She needed to get some rest now, she looked as though she were ready to drop. Doc took the glass of whiskey and drank it down, then filled it with laudanum and handed it to her. "I want you to drink this down." He said as she took the proffered cup from his hands. "Go ahead, drink it all." He said as she sipped at the glass. She then drank down the rest of the medicine. Doc walked over to the bar and asked Sam for a bottle and four glasses. He then went back over to their table. He could see in her eyes the medicine was already having an effect on her. Just then, Thad Greenwood pulled up on his horse. He too had heard about the Marshal's death and left Texas immediately heading back to Dodge. He saw his friends gathered at the table and one look at Miss Kitty told him that it was true. After quick pleasantries with the other men, he sat down across from Festus, next to Kitty and Newly make excuses to return to the Jail. By this time, she was having trouble keeping her eyes opened.

"Doc?" Thad said looking at Kitty.

"I gave her something to sleep. Why don't you help her upstairs to her room and I'll be right behind you." Doc told Thad.

Thad stood up and gently pulled Kitty's chair out for her and she slowly stood up. She felt light headed and he gently took her about the waist. "Come on, Miss Kitty, let me get you upstairs to your room." He said as he led her up the stairs. About halfway there, her legs gave way, Thad gently leaned down and lifted her into his arms.

Festus and Percy drove past Doc's and Festus looked up remembering the three days that followed Matt's death and Kitty's telegram were the worst three days of his life. He hadn't had much of a chance to speak with Kitty, and when he had gotten a moment, she just sat there staring blankly into the air. He wanted to go over to her, shake her, slap her, something to get her to react. But instead, he sat beside her and would hold her hand if she needed it or just sit and quietly wait. She was having a very hard time believing that Matt was dead, even when Festus had seen the Marshal's body, she didn't believe him. And he could not do anything to change the way she felt. He had given her Matt's badge and his pocket watch which held a single picture of his one true love, her. Kitty had taken them from his hands, and clutched them to her breast when she was informed of the dead man's true identity. But watching Newly carry her up to Doc's made his heart break for her. He felt helpless and unable to help her deal with her pain. He prayed that Newly would be able to help them help her.

**TBC**


	2. I Can't Live, If Living is Without You

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 2**

**I Can't Live, if Living is Without You**

She was vaguely aware of Newly holding her in his arms and carrying her up the steps to Doc's office. Her head lay against his strong chest, and she inhaled his scent, it was familiar, it was Matt's scent. She whimpered, remembering the many times he had carried her. Mostly from the door of her room to the bed that he was all too eager to get her to. Thereupon, laying her on the bed and devouring her with his eyes, then tasting every inch of her before he made passionate love to her. "Matt…." She whispered inhaling the scent deeper before the darkness took hold of her and she floated away in the abyss.

She felt the cool rag against her forehead and slowly fought her way back to consciousness. "Oh…Oh, what hit me?" She asked before she remembered that she had been standing by Matt's casket when the darkness overtook her. She then remembered Newly carrying her up the stairs and burying her nose in his neck, because he made her remember Matt. She breathed deeply, as to stop the tears that threatened to fall.

"Well, as to what hit you, it would be that big lug over there. He was chasing a licorice thief when he plowed into you." Doc said as he watched the pretty young redhead pull the rag away from her eyes. Matt looked down in embarrassment.

"Matt?" She said as she croaked out his name. Her heart began to race and her mind was spinning. Before the young Marshal knew what hit him, the pretty little redhead was in his arms, hugging him tightly. Her arms were around his neck. "I thought you were dead, they said you were." She stepped back slightly to look at him. It all hit her like a ton of bricks as she realized that the man standing before her was not her lover of twenty years, but the young man she had met when she arrived in Dodge. The young Marshal watched as the beautiful young redhead stared into his blue eyes. A tear began to fall down her cheek and then he watched the color drain from that same pretty pink cheeks. Matt grabbed her about the tiny waist and gently lifted her into his arms.

"Just lay her back down over there." Doc said as he watched his young friend carefully place the pretty little thing on the bed. He stood back and waited as Matt gently lifted her legs and lifted her hands. Doc smiled as he watched Matt take her tiny hand into his large one and for a moment, he knew he had seen something he had never seen in the big Marshal's eyes. He wasn't sure as to what it was, just that it was an intriguing look. One he had never seen before. Perhaps one could call it the look of a man smitten with a beautiful woman. Matt stepped back from the young girl and watched as Doc leaned over and checked her pulse and then her eyes.

"She's just out again. Just got up too quickly is all." He said looking over at his friend.

"Doc, how come she knew my name?" Matt said scratching his head. "I mean, as I carried her up here, she buried her face in my neck and called my name as if she knew me, if you know what I mean."

"You mean you don't know her?" Doc said confused. He had thought that Matt knew her by

the way she recognized him and by the way he had been so tender and gentle with her.

"No, Doc, I've never seen her before." He said looking at the woman laying on the table.

"Well are you sure about that? She sure seemed to know you." Doc smiled at him and his bewilderment.

"Believe you me, Doc, I don't think I could forget a beautiful young lady like that." He said smiling at his older and wiser friend. "Well, Doc, I'm gonna head back to the jail. Send someone over when she wakes up. Maybe we can get to the bottom of this. Find out where she's from and how she knows me." He said putting his hat on and heading out the door.

Doc sat down next to Kitty. Gently he took her hand in his and patted the back. "I wonder who you are little girl. You sure got to our Marshal." Smiling, he scratched at the whiskers on his chin before getting up and heading over to his desk.

Kitty slowly opened her eyes. She had no idea as to how long she had been laying there. "It was just a dream." She mumbled to herself as she sat up slightly on her elbows. Doc had been writing in his journal when he heard her moving about.

"Well, look who's awake." He said getting up from his seat and walking over to her. Kitty just stared up at the younger version of Doc as he pulled a chair up and sat down next to her. "I'm Doc Adams, but most people call me Doc." He said to her.

Kitty didn't know what to do, she just stared up at him. What was going on? Her mind was reeling. What happened? How did she get here? The last thing she remembered was standing beside Matt's casket as they were bringing it past her at the train depot. She looked at the kind face of her old friend, whom at this moment, was a good twenty years younger than when she last saw him and had no idea as to who she was. "Kathleen, Kathleen Russell. But my friends call me, Kitty." She said as she sat up fully.

"Well, Kitty, where are you from?" He asked as he sat there.

"I'm from New Orleans, Doc." She said as he listened to her. "I came here looking for a job." She said gently throwing her legs over the side of the bed.

"Is that where you met our Marshal?" He asked her poking around for answers. Kitty stood up and she felt a bit wobbly. Doc stood up and gently took her arm. "Easy does it, young Lady." He said as she smiled up at the kindly old man.

"Thanks, Doc." She said steadying herself. "I've never met your Marshal, should I know him?" She said lying to him. She didn't quite understand what was happening or how she had gotten here, twenty years earlier. She was curious as to see herself in the mirror. It had to be a dream, or she was losing her mind.

"Well, you seemed to know him, when you woke up the first time." He said trying to see if she would take the bait. But the look on her face was one of innocence. One which Doc wasn't too sure he believed. "In fact one might say that you were very happy to see him, rushing to him and throwing your arms around his neck."

"Did I?" She asked and then she realized what had happened. "I thought he was someone I knew." Again she lied to an old friend. 'What the hell was happening? Was this a dream?' She thought to herself. She stood very still for a moment, and closed her eyes then counted to ten before she opened her eyes to see the old Doc, who was not so old anymore, standing in front of her looking at her curiously.

"You called him Matt." He said as he watched her looking around the room.

"I thought he was someone else, ah Matt Williams, a friend of mine from New Orleans, he looks so much like him, and I've been told he was dead is all." She said a bit nervously. "I was just a little surprised is all, doc, I thought my friend Matt was your Matt. Mistaken identity." Her heart was racing. She could not understand what was happening to her. If she left now, walked out of Doc's office and down to the depot, she could catch the next coach out of Dodge. Go back to New Orleans, and stay there. Maybe find a nice young man to settle down with and skip the heartache the pain, skip it all.

"Okay, if you say so." He said still not believing her. But he had to admire her, if not for her beauty then for her fearlessness. She didn't seem to be afraid of much.

"Doc, what's the date?" She asked him trying not to be too suspicious.

"Well, it's Monday, June 14th." He said looking at her as she began to walk around the room looking at his various books and instruments. She quickly looked into the mirror, pretending to know what she would see there. But the sight of her youthfulness, did startle her a little bit.

"What about the year, Doc?" she said turning around and looking the grey haired man in the blue eyes. She saw the questioning look on his face. "Please just humor me, Doc." She said as she pleaded with the old man.

"It's 1862. You wanna tell me why you don't know this?" Doc asked her.

"Oh, I know the year, Doc, I just wanted to see if you did." She said trying to make a joke of it. Doc smiled at her and scratched his head. She walked over to him and kissed Doc on the cheek.

"Don't worry, Doc, I'll grow on you." She said trying to get him away from the subject of her asking such questions. But she could still see the confusion in his eyes. She started to head for the door. 'Go Home, Kitty.' A little voice nagged her in the back of her mind. Taking a deep breath, she turned the knob and opened the door.

"Where do you think you're going, young lady?" Doc said as she opened the door.

"I have to find a room, then I need a job how else am I going to pay you for your help today." She said smiling at Doc as she stepped out the door. '1852?' She thought to herself. 'How, why? It couldn't be possible.' She thought slowly heading down the steps. "I have a second chance." 'I can't go back to New Orleans, this is where I belong.

**TBC**


	3. Smitten

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 3**

Okay, I have to apologize for my mistake in the last chapter. I had put a date of 1852 and 1862, the date is 1862, well actually somewhere around then. Anyway I am grateful for the info. I have a tendency to do things like that. So please continue to bear with me. I've also done some changing of time periods in the next chapter, which I will explain in the beginning of the next chapter.

KR

**Smitten**

Stepping down the stairs she had no idea what she was going to do first. She wanted to run over to the jail, throw Matt down on his desk and ravage him there, in broad daylight, but she knew that she couldn't do that. She would have to settle with going over to the Long Branch and see Bill Pence and get a job. Getting a job at the Long Branch would be easy, she knew that Bill was a sucker for a pretty face and she was a good talker and he liked that in his girls. He wanted them to sit and talk with the customers and get them drinking at that's something she was very good at. Men always wanted to talk to her, before they would try to get her to go to bed with them. She had no intentions of having sex with any of them. Matt was the first man she had ever been with and the only man she had willingly been with. As she quickly stepped down the last step, Matt came barreling around the corner and grabbed her about the waist to keep her from falling.

"Oh, you again." She said smiling at the big embarrassed man. She noticed that he continued to hold onto her. "This is getting to be a habit, Marshal." She said and still he stared at the beautiful redhead.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that again." He said finally stepping back and looking down into a pair of the bluest eyes he has ever seen.

"Well, Marshal, how did you intend to run into me then?" She asked, admiring the red rushing into his cheeks again. She loved to embarrass him and he would soon know it.

As if, on fire, he remembered his hat was still on his head. "Pardon me, Miss, I seemed to have lost my manners." He held his hat in his hands

Kitty smiled at him, her sweetest smile and she knew the minute she did, she would get a reaction from him. And she saw it in his eyes, and the way he seemed to crack a slight smile as well.

"Did Doc give you a clean bill of health, Miss?" He asked her. His hands itching to get around her waist again.

"Yes, he did. And the name is Kitty, Kitty Russell, Marshal." She said, cupping her hands behind her back as she flirted with the big Marshal.

"Well, as long as we are being neighborly, the name is Matt Dillon." He smiled at her and Kitty remembered why she fell in love with him in the first place. She felt a great sadness in her heart as she remembered her last memory of him. The day he had left for Cimmeron, they had a big argument, one which she never got a chance to apologize for. Matt noticed the sadness in her eyes and he wanted to take her into his arms, but he knew that it would be improper to do so. "Are you okay, Miss Russell?"

"I'm fine, Matt, and it's Kitty, please. I was just remembering my friend is all." She felt awkward and decided that she needed to get out of there before she fell apart in his arms.

"You're friend?" He asked her.

"Yes, well, that's a conversation for another time, I'm heading over to the Long Branch, see if I can get a job." She said as she started for the Long Branch. Matt just watched her as she walked away.

Doc stood at the top of the stairs watching the exchange between the new woman in town and the town's Marshal. Matt looked up to see Doc watching him and he cleared his throat and headed up to Doc's office for a cup of coffee and jaw flapping conversation.

Kitty wasn't even sure as to where her belongings were, but she wanted to get to the Long Branch and get that job she knew was waiting for her. She smiled as the people walked past her. She knew them but they had no idea who she was. She knew all their little secrets before they knew them. The men, as always, smiled brightly at the pretty redhead.

Bill Pence didn't know what hit him. He had never been out-talked by anyone, let alone a woman before. But that little redhead waltzed into the Long Branch and started talking to customers and serving them drinks. Before Bill knew what hit him, he had hired another dance hall girl. And she told him off the bat that she did not sing and rarely danced. But she could deal Faro and played poker with the best of them.

Doc was more than happy to join Matt and Chester at the Long Branch that evening. Chester was anxious to inspect the new girl. He had listened to Doc and Matt all day about the pretty redhead. He had tried to go over to the Long Branch to take a peek at her, but every time he tried to do so, someone needed him for one thing or the other. Doc had said that not only did she have the prettiest redhair around, she had the bluest blue eyes, he had ever seen. Doc wouldn't go any further on her description, he just kept telling him, 'You just gotta see for yourself.'

Combing his hair in the mirror, Chester tried to make sure that not a hair was out of place. Matt stood at the door waiting for Chester finished so that he could get to the Long Branch and lay claim to the newest female in Dodge. He smiled to himself that Chester was taking so much care to impress a beautiful woman, he knew he was going to win. He knew this, because he could feel it in his gut. He had never felt this way about any other woman he had met before.

"Mr. Dillon, is something wrong?" Chester said as he looked over to see the big Marshal smiling as he leaned against the doorframe.

"Nothing's wrong, you're just going through a great deal of trouble for one little girl, Chester." He said teasingly. "How do you know that she ain't uglier than a mule?" He said again, teasing him.

"Well, Doc said….Oh, Mr. Dillon, you're just funning me is all. Is she really pretty?" He asked, not able to wait the walk to the Long Branch.

"Well, I'll tell you, Chester, you're just gonna have to wait and see." He said as Chester smiled reluctantly at him. "If you don't get a move on it, Chester, they'll be closing the Long Branch before you get a chance to meet her."

"I'm coming, Mr. Dillon, I'm coming." He said grabbing his hat and walking out the door. Matt placed his hat on his head and followed him out the door, shaking his head as they walked.

The trio entered the Long Branch, finding it quite busy and crowded for a Thursday night. As Matt stood there with Doc, they looked around at the crowd and noticed a significant crowd hanging around a poker table with the newest member of Dodge sitting at the table, dealing cards. Smiling, Matt and Doc looked at each other.

"Well I'll be." Chester said as he saw Kitty Russell dealing cards. "She sure is about the prettiest thing around." He said as headed over to the bar with Doc and Matt. Bill had two other bartenders helping him since they were so busy. Kitty looked up as the trio made their way over to the bar and she smiled.

"Mike?" Kitty called to the bartender helping Bill. Mike put the glass down and came over to her. "would you mind dealing this hand for me?" She asked him as he leaned in towards her.

"No problem Miss Kitty." He said as he sat down and started dealing to the men who watched the pretty redhead walk away. Kitty stepped up to the bar, next to Doc.

"Howdy, Doc." She said signaling Jake for a cup of coffee. Jake brought a cup over and set it down, then poured her a cup of coffee.

"Aren't you a little too young for that stuff?" Doc said as he watched her take a sip of the coffee. He took a sip of his beer.

"Aren't you a little too young for that stuff, Doc?" She said smiling at him.

"I'll tell you this, I'm old enough to be your father." Doc said bantering with her.

"More like her grandfather." Chester said quietly.

"I heard that!" Doc said glaring at Chester.

"Howdy, Ma'am, I'm Chester Goode." He said sticking his hand out to her and removing his hat as he introduced himself to her.

"Hello Chester, and it's Kitty and it's Miss, Ma'am is for married women." She said stealing a look at Matt. He did not miss the look, nor did Doc.

"Well, it's real nice to meet you, Miss Kitty." He said once again.

"Well, it's nice to meet you too, Chester!" She said smiling at him. Chester stared at her for a moment until he heard Doc clear his throat. He realized he was staring and still holding her hand. "So, Marshal, are you gonna buy me a drink or what?" Kitty said moving closer to the Marshal.

"Sure, Jake, a drink for the lady, please. What are you drinking?" He asked her.

"Well, right now, coffee." She said.

"Mike another coffee for the lady." Matt leaned a little closer and gently inhaled the smell of her. He noticed that she smelled of honeysuckles. His mind noted the sweet smell and his nose enjoyed the gentle fragrance.

"So Kitty, how are you enjoying the sights of Dodge." Doc asked her trying to make conversation.

"It's nice, a little quieter than New Orleans, but nice. I'm getting to like it quite a bit, Doc." She took a sip of her coffee and remembered she had some money in her pocket for Doc. "Oh, that reminds me, Doc, I owe you some money." She said pulling out a five dollar bill. "I figure, I bess pay my debts in order to stay in good standing with the folks around here." She said handing him the bill.

"Well, that's a good way of thinking, but that's far too much." He said trying to hand her back the bill.

"Consider it a down payment for future services." She said to him.

"Are you planning on having a great need for a doctor, young lady." He asked her.

"Not really, Doc, but I always believe in being prepared. What if something happens and I need help, and I'm broke?" She wanted to get this conversation going. Where, she wasn't sure, but she wanted it to end with her and Matt at a table talking and getting to know one another. She knew everything she needed to know about Matt, but he didn't know anything about her, at least not yet.

"You have a strange way of thinking, Kitty." Matt said looking at her. He couldn't help but glance down at the ample cleavage that caused his mouth to go dry. He closed his eyes for a moment, and quickly imagined his mouth taking a taste her warm ample breast. Taking a sip of his beer he pushed the desire into the back of his mind.

"Chester, let's you and I go see if we can win a few hands of poker." He said taking his arm.

"In a little bit, Doc." He said leaning on the bar and making puppy eyes at Kitty who could only smile at him.

"Now, Chester!" Doc said grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the two.

Chester continued to stare at Kitty as Doc pulled him towards the poker table. "Doc! Why are you in such a dang blasted hurry. I wanted to talk to Miss Kitty a little longer." He whined to Doc.

"I know what you wanted, Chester, but Matt's getting to know her." He said in his defense.

"Well, what about me, Doc?" He said sitting down at the table.

"What about you?" Doc asked as Mike began to deal the next hand.

"Don't you think that maybe I'd like to get to know her too." He said picking up his cards and looking at them.

"Forget it, Chester, that little Redhead only has eyes for one man, and he's the one she's talking to." Doc said as he looked at his own cards.

"How do you know that, Doc, she just might have fallen for me." He said in his whiney voice that annoyed Doc.

"Just stop that, Chester. She's interested in that man over there. So hush up and play." He said in a rather harsh voice.

"You wanna sit at a table?" Matt asked her and she nodded to him. He gently led her over to an empty table, placing his hand on the small of her back in doing so. Kitty felt the familiar chill rush through her with his hand on her back. She wanted nothing more than to feel his naked body against her own. Matt pulled the chair out for her then took a seat across from her.

The conversation was light and cheery. Before they realized it, the saloon was empty and Mike was closing up the saloon and putting the chairs on the tables.

"Goodness, where has the time gone." Kitty said looking around to find the place empty. Matt smiled at her, he had noticed it slowly emptying out but he didn't care. He was too busy listening to her talk and laugh. It didn't take long for him to fall for her laughter, it was a sweet sound to his ears. Her smile, well, that smile seemed to light up the whole room. "I should let you go." She said as he stood up. She smiled as she rose.

"Are you staying at Ma Smalley's or here?" Matt asked her.

"I have a room here. Bill made me an offer I couldn't refuse." She said pushing the chair in.

"Oh, okay, then. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow." It was more of a question than a statement. He headed for the door and turned to watch her as she ascended the steps. Kitty looked down at him as she made it to the top and smiled at him. Matt headed out the door and Mike waited for him to exit then closed and locked the doors. She smiled looking down at him from the balcony. "Oh, you will definitely see me tomorrow, Matt." She mumbled under her breath as she went into her room and closed and locked the door.

**TBC**


	4. The First Time

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 4**

**The First Time**

The weeks moved by quickly, and soon the summer turned to fall. Matt had no idea what had hit him. But he had fallen hard for the pretty little redhead. She was amazing to him. He couldn't get her smile out of his mind. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her face and her smile or heard her laughter. She was absolutely amazing. 'She could charm the stripes off of a tiger,' he had heard Doc say time and time again. And he believed she could do it too. As he sat back in his chair, with his feet up on the desk, Burke burst into the jail.

"Marshal, come quick, there's been a shooting at the Long Branch. I think Chester said one of the girls was shot." He said frantically.

Matt felt his heart leap into his throat and an unfamiliar feeling of fear was evident in his chest. He didn't need to be told, he knew it was Kitty. Getting up he headed out the door and towards the Long Branch. But He walked past the entrance knowing that she was up in Doc's office already.

"It was terrible, Mr. Dillon, just terrible." Chester said as Matt entered Doc's office. The sight of Kitty laying on the table, with Doc standing over him, her back bared to them, made his stop in his tracks. He saw the entry wound and watched as Doc began to probe around, looking for the offending bullet. He could almost feel the pain ripping through his own back as he imagined it. "They was just arguing and I tried to stop it, then the big one hit me and killed the other one, and shot Kitty by accident, but he took off." He said not realizing that Matt was not listening to a word he had said. He was busy watching Doc work on the young woman. Kitty was unconscious, for that he was grateful. The pallor of her skin worried him greatly. Her skin was alabaster, but now it was too pale for comfort. Chester watched Matt watching Doc. He saw the intense look of fear on his face which was something he had never seen before.

Matt waited by her bedside as she continued to sleep. She had not woken up since she had been shot. Chester entered the doctor's office. He had information on the man who had shot Kitty. "Mr. Dillon!"

"Shooo!" Matt said as he looked back at him. "She's still sleeping!" He looked back at her.

"I heard some information about that man that shot Miss Kitty." Matt looked at her then stood up and followed Chester out of Doc's office. There on the landing, Chester informed Matt that the man who shot Kitty was seen in Cimmaron. Before he could say anymore, Matt was down the stairs and heading back to the jail to get ready and head out. Chester headed down the stairs following after Matt.

He had been on the trail for two days when he finally ran into the man and now he was heading home with his prisoner anxious to see how Kitty was doing. His heart was pounding against his chest. What if she didn't make it and he had been on the trail of that lowlife? What if she died while he was gone? His hand rested on the doorknob as he thought about things. He couldn't bear to lose her. They hadn't had a chance to really get to know each other. He wanted that chance. Opening the door, his eyes beheld the most wonderful sight he had seen in sometime.

Kitty sat up in the bed, looking at her paper. She looked up as the door opened up and smiled brightly as Matt entered the room. Matt smiled back at her. She looked pale and her hair was down around her face which made her look like an angel. He smiled at her as he sat down and asked her how she was doing. "Hello, how are you feeling?"

"Better. A little tired though." She said as she moved on the bed. "I'm tired of lying here, Doc won't let me go home." She said as he gently reached over and touched her cheek. Kitty leaned her cheek into his warm hand. She was surprised when he leaned over and gently kissed her warm lips. It was a soft gentle kiss that made her tingle inside. He looked deeper into her eyes, then pulled her mouth to his again. This time the kiss was long and sensuous.

Doc cleared his throat as he came out of his bedroom. He was a bit surprised of Matt's show of affection for the little redhead. "Well, Matt when did you get back?" He asked going over to his desk. He poured a little laudanum into a glass for Kitty.

"Just got back, Doc." He said looking back at him for a moment.

"Doc, I don't want to go back to sleep. I just woke up." She said as he came towards her with the laudanum.

"I want you to take this and get some rest. You've been sitting there reading for several hours." He said to her as he handed her the glass.

"Please, Doc?" She said tying to flash him a smile, but he wasn't falling for it.

"Don't even try flashing me that smile of yours or batting those lashes at me, young lady, I'm aware of your charms." He said handing her the glass. "I'm gonna finish some paperwork, Matt, you make sure she drinks that, I want her to rest." Doc said as he headed over to his desk.

"Okay, Doc ." He said looking at her. He smiled at Kitty as she began to drink the medicine.

"Good Girl." He said as she drank it down. He sat by her side for half an hour until she went back to sleep. Gently getting up from the bed, he kissed her on the forehead then left Doc's office.

Two weeks had past, and Doc had finally released Kitty. She was up and walking around and feeling like herself again. She watched from her table in the back, talking to Chester as Matt came into the room. He smiled and acknowledged Mike and Bill at the bar as he made his way over to Kitty and Chester. Chester stood up and made his excuses to Kitty as he headed out of the saloon, past Matt Dillon.

Sitting at his desk, Matt looked rather pensive, Chester thought to himself. In fact, since that pretty redhead came to town almost six months ago, he noticed that Mr. Dillon had been rather pensive since she had been shot almost two months ago. Getting up from the chair, Chester walked over to the potbelly stove to check on the coffee. It should be good and hot by now. Pouring himself a cup, he looked over at Matt who was still lost in thought.

In his mind, he thought of Kitty. What was it about this woman that kept him going back to the Long Branch night after night. He wanted to do more than just hold her and kiss her. In fact, he wanted to make love to her. But one thing he knew about her, was that she had never been with a man before. It amazed him that the beautiful redhead had managed to keep her virtue for so long. He stopped and thought, just how old she was. She couldn't be more than twenty years old. In truth, she was only eighteen years old. Matt stood up, he had to make the last rounds of the night. It was close to eleven and everyone would be closing down. Walking down the sidewalk, he checked the doors then continued along his way. At the end of the sidewalk, he crossed over to the other side of the street then continued down. After an hour, rounds were complete. Standing at the last shop, he looked across the street and saw the light in Kitty's window. She moved across the room wearing a soft frilly robe. She looked down into the street and saw the big Marshal looking up. He crossed the street and moved to the Long Branch. Trying the door, he found it unlocked and entered the darkened saloon. He allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkness then quietly made his way up the stairs to Kitty's room. He didn't bother to knock on the door, he slowly opened the door and entered the bedroom. Kitty smiled at him as he closed and locked the door. Taking his hat off, he placed it on the tall dresser then took his gun-belt off. He took his shirt off as he moved towards her and Kitty felt her heart beating hard against her breast. She had been with him many times, but here she was, just a kid again, about to be taken by the only man she could ever love. She knew what to expect, he was a big man, a very big man and she also knew it would be very uncomfortable, but she didn't' care. As he took his britches and long underwear off, she stood there looking at his beautiful unmarred physique. He was more than beautiful. She smiled as he stood there naked in front of her. Kitty untied her robe as he moved closer to her. Gently he opened the robe and slid it down her arms and allowed it to fall to the floor. He gazed at her beautiful body. The way her breast were firm and tipped with rosy peaks made his mouth water. Leaning down, he covered her mouth with his own as his large callused hands caressed her soft flesh. Kitty moaned as his mouth pulled from hers and she moaned again as it then covered a hard erect peak. Her hand caressed his bare back as she held him tighter to her breast. She felt his hand on her thigh, slowly moving up her thigh closer to her private area. She gasped deeper when she felt his fingers on her woman's jewel. Then cried out when his fingers entered her. Matt coaxed her willing body into a frenzy. His mouth still on her breast, was setting her body on fire. She felt the heat between her legs, moving deeper into her belly. She moved against his hand. Trying to remember that she was a virgin, and was not supposed to be familiar with this or the things Matt had done to her over the years. Her nails dug into his shoulder as she felt that old familiar feeling stirring in her belly. The heated fluid ran down her thighs as he moved to the other breast. The tears fell down her face as she fought to catch her breath then wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Matt, please, I want to feel you inside me." She moaned into his ear. Matt quickly stood up and lifted Kitty into his arms as he carried his precious bundle over to the huge bed. Laying her down on the dark comforter, he moved her to the center of the bed and pulled her knees up, treating her like a delicate girl he believed her to be. He then kissed her knee then slid down her thigh, his tongue snaking out to taste her skin. Then moving to the beautiful sight he'd ever seen, right above the dark red thatch of hair. His heated mouth moved up her flat belly, between the valley of her young breast. He moved his big body between her thighs. Kitty watched as he took hold of himself then gently pressed into her for entrance. She cried out as he moved deeper into her and then he moved forcibly passed the maiden head, feeling it tear beneath his force. Kitty threw her head back, pursing her lips against a cry as not to alert anyone. She gasped as she looked down to see him moving deeper into her until they were skin to skin. Matt kissed her deeply on the mouth, holding his position until he knew she was ready for him to move. It didn't take long for her to relax and he began a slow torturous rhythm. Kitty pulled her knees up, he would think that it was another natural instinct of her body answering his call. Matt moved faster and harder against her willing body and she slowly learned the rhythm of their goal. She felt a slow fire building within her once again. Her body seemed like it was going to explode the closer they got. Matt gasped for air as he began to reach his peak. He reached between their joined bodies and gently worked her woman's jewel, making sure that she was able to reach her own peak as well as his own. Matt clamped his mouth over hers just as the two of them came together. Her head was spinning as she slowly came down back to earth. When she opened her eyes, Matt was still on top of her, still inside of her, gently caressing the side of her cheek with his big callused hand, wiping the tears that fell down the side of her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." He whispered to her. She remembered this moment from a time long ago. She remembered how he had been so tentative and loving with her, when he had realized he was the first man she had ever been with.

"You didn't hurt me, Matt. It's just….I've never been with anyone like that before." She said somewhat embarrassed, and knowing that she was lying, but her body didn't lie. She was only eighteen years old and that body had never been with a man.

Matt smiled at her. "I know. You're so beautiful, Kitty." He said as he gently began to move off of her. Kitty gasped as he began to withdraw from her. Matt gently kissed her cheek, her nose, then her mouth. His tongue begging for entrance and finding it. Turning onto his back, he kept his arms tightly around Kitty, taking her with him, until she lay on top of him. Kitty clasped her fingers together and laid her chin on them watching him. "What?" Matt said as he clamped his hands beneath his head.

"You are so beautiful." She said looking at him.

"Kitty….I'm not beautiful, I'm not handsome either." He started but she gently placed her finger over his lips, then slid her body up on his. She moved her mouth over his and kissed him deeply.

"I say you are beautiful. Matt, I….." She stopped and looked at him. If she told him what would happen in the future, would she wake up and be back at the depot watching the wooden casket being carried to.

"What's wrong?" He said seeing the sadness in her eyes. "Did I hurt you, Kitty?"

"No, not really, I mean, well, you know what I mean, it's just that I've never felt so many emotions running through me before. I just need time to grow up a bit is all." She said trying her best to convince him that she was fine. Matt pulled her tightly into his arms. Kitty wondered how long this dream was going to last before she woke up to the reality of Matt's death. She was living in her own little made up world right now, but how was she going to get herself back to reality and did she really want to go back to it. At least here, Matt was alive. Her head was reeling with the possibilities of what was occurring, the most frightening one would be that she was unconscious somewhere and just reliving her life.

**TBC**


	5. Just To Hear You Breathing

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 5**

**Just To Hear You Breathing**

She allowed herself to fall into step day after day. Allowed it all to happen again. She wondered if perhaps she was locked up in a room somewhere, drooling at the mouth like one of those raving lunatics she had heard about who would disappear into their own little worlds, somewhere in the dark recesses of their own minds. But the more she tried to convince herself to try and wake up, the more she convinced herself that she preferred to be right there, in Dodge, just a young woman with a second chance. Besides, she wasn't too sure it was just a dream. Everything she had felt or experienced so far felt quite real to her. Like being shot in the back; it hurt like hell the first time, it was just as painful this time too. Here she was, laying in her bed, beside Matt who slept soundly. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. His skin was mostly unmarred by bullet scars and such, it was warm and tan and she loved the sight of it. Gently laying her hand over his heart, she watched as it moved up and down to the gentle rhythm of his breathing. She suddenly felt alone, she was the only one who knew what had happened to Matt and it made her want to cry. Moving closer to Matt, she placed her head on his chest and her arm around his chest. In his sleep, Matt moved his arms around her back and pulled her tightly into his arms. He moaned softly at the feel of her naked form next to his, then slowly slipped back into a blissful peaceful sleep. Gently she pushed the blankets down around his hips, and down her own body. She moved down his chest, kissing a soft trail down his chest over his belly and down further. Matt was awake from the first kiss on his chest and through lidded eyes, he watched as she took careful inventory of his man hood. Her small hands began to examine him, then he watched as her tongue snaked out to taste the top. Matt gasped as her mouth slid down and engulfed him. "Dear God!" He called out as she began to move up and down. Matt had experienced this before with one of the saloon girls many years ago, but this was more intense than anything he had felt in a very long time. Kitty had heard him and now he was groaning and she was enjoying every minute of it. Matt gently reached over, his hand caressing her naked rump. Kitty gasped when his fingers made contact with her wet flesh. He felt the gasp as it vibrated over his erect member. His fingers were beginning to distract her and she pulled away, laying her head on his hip looking at him as he continued to work her heated flesh. She pulled away from his fingers, the smiled at him. Matt watched as she moved back some. "Get up on your knees, Matt." She requested and he followed her directions. Kitty moved in front of him and leaned slightly forward so that he can penetrate her. He moved into her and she sat up straight, Matt was surprised as she sat up, she leaned back, laying her head on his shoulder, enjoying the change of angle. Matt wrapped one arm across her breast, one large hand cupping and caressing her breast, squeezing it as he moved his hips back and forth, with each move, she gasped at the intensity of his thrusts. His other hand slid down her belly, to stop at the juncture between her thighs. "Oh Dear God!" She cried as his fingers made forceful contact with her woman's jewel. "Oh, Matt, please." She moaned as he began to pound harder into her. The two of them moving together in a rhythm they had learned together. It didn't take long before they were both at the threshold, both crying out in unison as they reached the precipice and fell over. Matt quickly shoved Kitty down on the bed as he pumped into her, hard and fast, releasing his seed within her.

The sun crept into the room and Kitty opened her eyes to find that Matt was gone. She knew that he had left just before dawn. It would not be the first time that he would slip out of her bed before dawn. But it would be something she would gladly accept just to have him back.

As she climbed out of bed, her body was still tingling and she felt so alive. She had a great deal to think about today. How was she going to change the future and would it be possible to do so? Sitting down at her vanity, she began to brush out her long red tresses. Suddenly a sharp pain ripped through her head, a memory, a sad memory. Matt lay in the street. He had been shot several times by Mace Gore and his men. They had robbed the town of everything they could take then when Matt had tried to get out of town to get help, they shot him down. Standing there, Kitty looked around. 'This can't be happening again. No! Please God, no!' Her mind screamed. She suddenly clutched her hand to her breast. Doc led her back into the saloon and then up to her room where he confronted another one of Mace's men, Barens had an interest in Kitty. She felt numb and she remembered what had occurred when Doc and Festus both had left her room. She tried to pull herself out of the numbness and get to the door to lock it, but as she got to the lock, Barens opened the door. Kitty stepped back. The memories of what he had done to her came rushing back. Kitty turned and ran to her desk, attempting to get her derringer, but he grabbed her from behind, clamping his hand over her mouth. Kitty cried as he drug her over to the bed. She tried desperately to pull free of his grip. He shoved her face down in the bed, just as he had done so fifteen years ago. Shoving her skirts and slips up, then ripped her panties off, brutally raping her repeatedly. A few hours later, she lay there, Festus came into the room, seeing her half dressed and crying. He helped her get cleaned up, literally helping her bathe and dress, the entire time, she cried, as did he. Sitting on the bed, he told her he would kill that bastard for what he did to her. Kitty begs him to leave it be. When he tries to argue the point, she begs him to keep her secret. "Please, Festus, I beg you, don't tell anyone. Please. You don't know what will happen. They'll say I deserved it, I'm no better than a whore." She hung her head. "They're right, I am no better than a whore."

Festus knelt down in front of her. "I don't want to ever hear you say that again. It ain't true. And I'll kill the first person who says it."

"Please, Festus, Matt….He'll want to kill him, they mustn't know he's alive." She said, and he was surprised to know that she knew Matthew was alive. "Please, I can't live without him, you know that. He is my life." She began to cry. Festus gently sat on the bed and put his arm around her shoulder.

"Don't fret none, Miss Kitty, I promise I won't say a word to anyone. I won't never say a word again." He held her tightly.

As she knelt down in front of Matt, wrapping her arms around him, the relief she felt was genuine. She had been his woman for the past five years, and she had had many heartaches. She needed to feel his strong arms around her and the comfort of his heated body. He buried his nose in her neck. The scent of her warmth and her soap made him long to be in her bed in her arms. He could feel her body trembling in his arms and chalked it up to the fact that she had been told he was dead, but she knew otherwise. Pulling back to look at her, he noticed the bruise on her cheek. Gently he caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers. "What happened there?" He asked. Doc heard him and he stepped over to them and looked at her face.

"What did happen there?" Doc asked her.

"Oh, Doc, it was that fool Barens, he done came back up here and got a little rough with Miss Kitty, I done showed him out for it got outta hand." Festus cut in. "Hey Doc, why don't you and I go get started on taking care of that stuff out there and let Miss Kitty and Mathew have a little time together."

It was just three weeks when Matt was well enough to ride, or do whatever he needed to do. The first thing he did when he was well enough was take Kitty to her room and make passionate love to her. He had felt that she held back, and believed that she was afraid of hurting him.

She told him that next time she wouldn't hold back. As the days wore on, she realized what she needed to do. It had now been a month since Barens had raped her. She was feeling more like her own self. But she also knew that no matter what, whether she was his woman, his wife or what, she was in danger. She didn't want to leave him or leave Dodge, but she wanted Matt to understand what she wanted. Matt climbed the stairs to Kitty's bedroom. Kitty sat at her vanity brushing her hair as he turned the key in the lock. The door opened and Matt walked into the room. "Hello, cowboy." She smiled as she got up from the vanity and met him in the middle of the room. Matt pulled Kitty towards him and gently began to caress her face. He then pulled her mouth to his. The kiss was deep and sensuous and Matt felt her tongue gently caress his lips and beg for entrance which he gladly gave. Her tongue slid passed his teeth to tangle with his tongue. Her tiny hand gently began to massage his already hardening member. "Matt, before we make love, I wanna talk to you." She said as she gently caressed him. Matt felt nervous, what did she want to speak with him about. Kitty gently took his hand and led him over to her bed. She set him on the bed and looked at him. "Matt, what I'm about to say, may well, it may not set well with you, but I need for you to hear me out and hear my side of the story."

"Okay, I'm listening." He said as his hands rested on her hips. He then slid them up to caress her breast through the thin robe she wore. He felt her tips harden at his gentle touch.

"I wanna get married." She said and he suddenly stopped his ministrations. "Now, just listen for a minute."

"No! Absolutely not!" He said to her. "I will not put your life in more danger."

"YOU, will not put my life in danger? Let me tell you about the danger I've faced thus far as your whore!" She said getting angry with him. She suddenly realized that she would be unable to tell him the truth about their past. She realized what she had called herself, and looked at him.

"My whore? Is that how you think I see you?" Matt asked her, confused by her anger.

"Not you, but everyone in this town sees me as just your whore and I am expendable." She said hoping he would understand her. "Matt, I know how you see me, I'm your woman and I love being your woman, but I want to be your wife. We've never discussed this, we've just never done so, but I love you and I think you love me. I want to be your wife, Matt. I want to have a baby, your baby growing inside of me. I want your name and I want your child." She said moving his hand to her flat belly. "I want to know what it feels like carrying your child within me." She watched him as he watched his hand on her flat belly.

"Are you pregnant, Kitty?" He asked her looking into her eyes.

"If I were pregnant, I would tell you so, I would not beat around the bush or play games with you, Matt." She turned and walked over to her vanity, then turned back towards her. "Matt, I want to be your wife. I want a little house on the edge of town,"

"You want me to quit the law?" He asked her.

Kitty walked up to him and placed her hand on his chest. "Someday you'll retire, but I would never ask you to quit what you love the most." She tried to think of what she could say to him to make him understand her side of the argument. "I know that I am your woman, and that would be enough, but not for the rest of our lives. I know that we will be together a long time, and I know that you have your fears, but try to understand what I'm saying and feeling. Matt, I don't want to go my whole life without experiencing having a child, without having your child."

"I can't do it, Kitty. Having you as my wife would put you in great danger, not to mention what having a child would do." He saw the tears forming in her eyes. "Please try to understand, I know that by loving you, I put you in danger, but going public would be a thousand times worse." He saw the single tear fall down her cheek. "I can't do that." Matt folded his hands on his lap. Kitty walked over to him, untied her robe and let it fall down to the floor. She took his hand and placed them on her breast. Matt looked up as she moved into him and kissed him deeply. The made love all night long, and for some reason, Matt felt as if he had lost something, but he didn't understand what or why he felt that way. He lay behind Kitty who was now sound asleep, or at least he hoped she was. She lay on her side, silent tears fell down her face. Matt was wide awake, lying on his back, his left arm slung up over his head. He couldn't get the conversation they had earlier out of his mind. She wanted to get married and he wanted to marry her, but he didn't want to put her in more danger. He heard the soft sighs she was making and realized she had finally stopped crying and was asleep. He loved her more than his own life and he was not about to let anyone take her from him.

**TBC**


	6. Missing You

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 6**

**Missing You**

Okay, most of you who are devoted fans of Gunsmoke, know that Mace Gore and his men came to Dodge in its eleventh season, in the episode Seven Hours Till Dawn. Anyway, John Drew Barrymore played the part of Mace Gore. Barens was one of his men who had a very unhealthy interest in Kitty. Of course, I've kind of enhanced it somewhat. I know it is evil of me, but I am so in an evil little mood. I cannot help myself. 'The Devil Made Me Do It.' Really, he did.

Oh, bye the way, it gets a little hot in here. SORRY!

KR

Three days later, Matt headed out to Hayes. He would be gone for at least three days. Kitty had three days to figure out what to do. She wanted to convince Matt that by marrying her, he would not be putting her in more danger. She didn't know what she was going to do. She would not trick him into marriage or try to say she was with child. She was going to do something that would make him realize he needed her as his wife. Three days was a long time to plot.

Matt sat upon Buck. They were less than an hours ride from Dodge. It had been three long days since he had seen his lady. He wanted nothing more than to take a long hot bath in Kitty's tub and than make love to her and sleep in her arms.

Kitty walked from the bar to a table with a tray in her hands. She smiled as she set the four beers down. Turning back towards the bar, she saw Matt standing in the batwing doors. He headed over to the bar, meeting her at the bar.

"Hello Marshal." She said as he leaned against the bar.

"Hi Kitty." He said feeling something was going on. "How are you tonight?"

"I'm fine, Marshal. Sam I need three more beers please." She said turning from Matt. Sam placed the three beers on the tray. "Well, see you later, Marshal." She said coldly as she walked over to the next table and delivered the beers. Matt watched as she stood there talking to the three men and laughing at their jokes. She shook her head and headed back to the bar.

"Kitty, can I talk to you outside, please." Matt said. Kitty just looked at him for a moment.

"Sam, I'll be right back." She said setting the empty tray back down on the bar. She then followed Matt outside. "What can I do for you, Marshal?" Kitty said folding her arms across her breast.

"For starters, why are you calling me Marshal? Why are you being so cold?" He asked her as she leaned against the post.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, Marshal." Kitty said looking into his big blue eyes.

"Kitty, why are you calling me, Marshal." He said moving closer to her.

"You want me to be safe, the only way to do that is to end anything we once had." She was now getting angry. "So, now I'm safe and you're safe and such is life, right?" She said as she started to head back into the saloon. Matt grabbed her arm and spun her around. Without saying a word, he dragged her down into the alley.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked her as she pulled her arm from his tight grasp.

"You want me safe, right? The only way to keep me safe is to end this relationship of ours. So that is what I'm doing." She said looking up at him.

"You don't love me anymore?" He asked feeling his heart break.

"I love you more than anything in this world, Matt, but you can't seem to see my side of the argument. I want to be married to you, not just your….whatever it is I am." She said not able to find the words.

"You're my woman." He said gently touching her bare arm.

"Just being your woman, isn't enough." She starts to walk away. "You have no idea how very much I love you and how much this is killing me." Tears began to fall down her face. "I don't want to do this anymore." She said running from him and heading back into the Long Branch and up the stairs to her room. Several people had seen her crying, but no one said a word. Doc and Festus were sitting at a table she had rushed by and both men had seen that she had been crying. Doc got up and Festus followed him out the door. As they made it to the door, Matt was heading back to the jail. Doc and Festus watched as Matt entered the jail and slammed the door behind him. Neither one of them wanted to confront him at this time, it was quite clear that he was very angry.

"Uh, Doc, I don't reckon, Mathew is gonna be none too acceptin' of any company tonight." Festus said heading towards the livery stable where he would sleep in the back room. He would see Matt in the morning and hopefully find him in a much better mood.

The morning found the good Marshal in a rough mood. He wanted more than anything to go over to the Long Branch and bust Kitty's door in then take her to her bed and make mad passionate love to her. But one thing he had learned about her in the last five years, was that she could be quite a stubborn woman. ' Why did she have to be so damn stubborn?' He thought to himself as he washed his face then dried his hands and face with the towel that hung on the wall. He was gonna have to get her to see things his way. Looking up, he saw something out of the corner of his eye, then when he looked out the window, he saw Kitty coming from the mercantile with a couple of packages in her arms. She wore a soft blue dress with matching bolero jacket and hat. She looked beautiful with the exception of her smile. It was there, but it wasn't as bright and lively as before. But nonetheless, she smiled as she passed people in the street. He watched her walk down the boardwalk and head over to the Long Branch.

She knew he was watching her, she could feel his eyes on her, but she refused to look over and give him the edge. She didn't want him to know that she was missing him as much as he was missing her. She was going to have to be very careful in the next few days. And it better only be days, she wasn't sure how long she could live without his touch, without his body against hers. The last four days without him in her bed had been torturous to say the least. She wasn't used to going so long without him. She thought about the time he had gone to Garden City, right before her thirtieth birthday. She had the hardest time getting to sleep and felt in great need of his touch. She had even tried to take matters into her own hands, and it helped her for a bit, but she needed his touch. He had rode the horse hard to get back to her the night of her birthday, before it ended. She lay in bed, naked and restless, and then he came into the room. Quickly sitting up, she allowed the sheet to fall about her hips. Matt quickly disrobed then made love to her all night long. Kitty shivered at the thought as she placed the packages on her bed. This wasn't going to be easy. She wanted to feel his body between her thighs. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she felt the familiar pangs growing within. Getting up, she decided she needed a bath. Tonight Matt and Festus and Doc would be in the saloon, and all she wanted was to have Matt in her arms, in her bed.

Matt leaned against the table, trying to calm his breathing. He wanted Kitty so badly that his groin ached. Calming himself down, he finished getting ready for the day and headed out the door. Doc and Festus would most likely be at Del Monico's for breakfast. It was only about half past eight, so they would still be eating breakfast. Walking down the sidewalk, he glanced over at the Long Branch, wondering what Kitty was doing. He continued to head over to Del Monico's.

Kitty leaned back in her tub. The water was cooling down, but she lay there with her eyes closed, her hands gently moving over her arms, with the bar of lavender soap. Matt decided to wait to join Doc and Festus and slipped up the back steps of the Long Branch and quietly made his way to Kitty's room. He watched as the soap slid up her arms and she slid her hands up and down gently washing away the grime from the dusty streets of Dodge. The soap slipped from her hand and fell behind her rump. Kitty sat up straight to get the soap and her breasts were revealed, coming out of the cover of the soapy water. It was then that she heard the floorboards creak in the outer bedroom. Kitty was alarmed at first, then realized it must have been Matt. Kitty smiled to herself, and decided it was time for a little coaxing. Gently she slid her hands over her breast and beneath them to lift them out of the water again. He watched as she pushed her head back, closed her eyes as her hands slid down her belly and up her thighs than back again to the juncture between her thighs. She gasped as her fingers made heated contact with her needy flesh. Matt watched from the door, through the crack as Kitty began to pleasure herself. Listening to her soft mewling sounds made him crazy. He watched as her head lulled to the side as her movements beneath the water intensified. She bit her lip to keep from crying out, then gasped deeply as she found her release. He had heard her call his name as she reached her peak and fell into the abyss. He wanted to drag her out of the tub and shove her face down onto the bed and take her roughly. Quietly he backed away from the door and then out of the room. His heart ached but it wasn't the only thing hurting on him. His britches were getting too tight for comfort. Once outside the Long Branch, he would slip around the edge of town and back to his room at Ma's which he only used on rare occasions. Matt took care of business then changed into clean clothes and headed back to the jail. It was going to be a long day without her.

**TBC**


	7. Still Missing You

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 7**

Here I go again, messing up the time lines. In season ten, we have "Twenty Miles From Dodge." An episode where Kitty and several other passengers on a stage are taken hostage and held for ransom. I have placed this information after Seven Hours Till Dawn, when it should be the other way around. But the thing is, I did not do this by mistake. For once, I am on the same page with my muse, she is an evil one like me. But needless to say, it's all good.

KR

**Still Missing You **

It had been a good two weeks since he had been with her. Every time he had tried to speak with her it ended in an argument between the two of them. "I don't get it, Doc?" He said shaking his head. "I just don't understand her." Matt said to Doc who sat on the other side of the table in the jail. They were playing checkers.

"Well, to tell you the truth, Matt, I guess in a way, I can understand it." He said taking his checker and jumping one of Matt's checker.

"You can? How?" Matt asks completely oblivious to it all.

"She's a young woman who wants to marry and have children. Most women want children with the man they love." He said trying to make the hard headed marshal understand. "Kitty has been acting a little strange lately, it's true, but she wants things that a normal woman wants." Doc said.

"Doc, Kitty knew how I felt from the moment we started this relationship. She knew how it would always be." Matt said trying to convince him to rethink this relationship over.

"Well, maybe it's not enough for her anymore. Matt, Kitty is the best thing to ever happen to you. The two of you belong together like Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde." He said looking the checkers over.

"Who?" Matt said looking up at him confused.

"You know what, it really don't matter, they were lovers hundreds of years ago, and both stories ended tragically, which is what's gonna happen to you if you don't wake up and grab that brass-ring." Doc said a little annoyed.

"Doc, I really hate it when you talk in riddles." Matt said jumping two of his men and collecting them from the board.

"Tell me, Matt, what do you think of Kitty?" He asks him.

"What do you mean by that, Doc?" Matt asks him.

"Matt, I'm gonna ask you something and I don't want you to get angry with me, but do you see her as your woman, or your whore?" Doc asked knowing this would make him angry.

"Doc, do not ever call her that word again." He said getting up angrily.

"I'm not calling her that. But I've heard the word used around town, and I know that Kitty has heard it too, and it hurts her a great deal." Doc said getting up and walking over to Matt.

"Is that what they think of her in this town. She's a good woman and a business woman, who contributes to the charities in this town. How dare anyone say such things about her?" He said angrily pacing the floor.

"Now just stop for a moment and think about it. Why do you think the so called good people of this town say such things? Because she is your woman, and she loves you so much that she would spend a lifetime being just that, your woman, but she wants to be more." Doc said stepping in front of him.

"By marrying her, I will be putting her life in danger." Matt said trying to make him understand why he did not want to put her in more danger than he had already put her in.

"You two have been together, for almost five years now. There isn't a man, woman or child within a five mile radius that doesn't know about you two. So How are you suppose to protect her when everyone knows about the two of you?" He said as he walked back over to the table and sat down. Matt walked over to him and sat back in his seat.

"It's not going to happen, Doc, so just let it go, will ya?" He said looking at the board. "Whose move is it anyway."

"Can't see how it matters anymore anyway." Doc said sitting back in his seat. Matt looked at the old man and realized that Doc was contemplating his next move in this argument.

"Doc, I know what you're thinking, but I made up my mind a long time ago that I would not marry or have children and put their lives in jeopardy because of my job. I made that promise to myself a long time ago." He said leaning forward and moving one of his men on the board.

Doc leaned forward and looked the board over and examined the possibilities of his moving one checker or the other. Realizing he had a move with multiple jumps using a king, he took the king in hand and jumped three men forward then two more backward. "Yes, well, that promise you made was made before you met Kitty, now wasn't it?" He said getting up from his seat and picking up his hat. "Well, I'm heading over to Del Monicos." He said pulling his watch out and looking at the time.

"Hold on, Doc." Matt said going for his hat. "I'll go with you."

"I don't think so, Matt, I have a date, with the prettiest little redhead in town." Doc said smiling as he headed out of the jail. Matt threw his hat back on the table and walked over to his desk and sat down.

"I need a drink!" Matt said getting up from his desk and grabbing his hat. He then headed out the door and headed for the Long Branch. He knew that he would be able to have a quick drink and get out of there before Kitty got back from dinner with Doc.

Doc sat across from Kitty who picked at her food. "You know, a bird eats more than you do." Doc said trying to get her to talk.

"I'm sorry, Doc, I guess I'm not hungry is all." She said setting her fork down and lifting her cup of coffee to her lips.

"You want to talk about it?" Doc asked her. Kitty looked up at him and gave him a crooked smile.

"Doc, what were you doing before supper?" She asked know full well that he had been at the jail with Matt.

"What do you mean?" Doc said trying to stall.

"I know for a fact that you were at the jail, playing checkers with Matt. I also know, well, actually I'm fairly sure that the two of you discussed me." She said sitting back in her chair.

"Of course we didn't." He said trying his best to lie to her, but knowing that it was impossible for him to do so. "Okay, but here's the deal, I'm not about to discuss what was said. Matt is my friend, just like you are my friend."

"Doc, I would never ask you to do that. I just wish he would see things my way." She said leaning forward and leaning her head in her hand. "I just wish he would stop being so pigheaded. He thinks it's going to put me in more danger, but he has no idea the danger I've faced over the years." Kitty said sighing deeply.

"What do you mean over the years?" He said confused. "You speak as though you two have been together for twenty years or something."

"We have, Doc." She leans forward trying to keep this conversation between the two of them. "Doc, what I'm about to tell you, well, I'm not too sure what is real and what isn't. In fact, I'm afraid that after I tell you this, it's going to end."

"What is going to end? You're not making any sense." He said leaning forward to listen to her suddenly lowered voice.

"I know you're going to think I am crazy." She didn't know whether or not she should tell him, she was afraid that if she told him what she knew, it would all be over and she would be back beside Matt's coffin. "Okay, listen to me, and promise you will hear me out, completely and that you will never tell anyone, including Matt, you have to promise me." She said as he watched the seriousness of the conversation change her expression.

"I promise, Kitty. I will listen to what you have to say. And I will say nothing to no one." He said as he sat back to listen to her story.

"Okay, one more promise though, you have to promise me that after hearing my story, you won't tried to have me committed to an asylum." She smiled at him. Doc smiled back at her and she smiled.

"I promise, honey." He said caressing her hand.

"Okay, today is the twelth. In twelve years, four months and 13 days, Matt is gonna go to Cimmaron. A young man, will call him out, and Matt will die, because he wasn't wearing a gun." She waited for him to say something, but he sat quietly and waited to hear more. "We argued before he left, and I was left feeling a great deal of guilt. We never married, Doc, so when he died, I had nothing but a pocket watch with my photograph in it." She saw the disbelief in his eyes.

"Kitty, you expect me to believe that you know what is going to happen in twelve years and whatever months and days. That's crazy!" He said not sure what to think of her.

"You promised to let me finish, Doc." She said moving closer. "there are many times that I almost died because I was his woman. I was kidnapped by a madman, raped and abused by his men and then shot and left for dead." She said with fear of the memory in her voice.

"When did this happen?" Doc asked her. He could see the turmoil in her eyes and fear as well.

**TBC**


	8. Unbelievable

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 8**

For once, I am on the same page with my muse, she is an evil one like me. But needless to say, it's all good.

KR

**Unbelievable**

Doc wasn't too sure what was going on. She had sat there quietly for several minutes. "Kitty, I just want to help you out."

"No, Doc, I won't change any of that, not even to avoid the pain, I won't do that." She lifted her head and he saw the unshed tears. "I just don't want to be alone. I want Matt to give me his child or children. I want a life with the man I love and I don't want to continue to hide anymore."

"Kitty, how am I supposed to believe all of this? It is just so farfetched."

"Doc, Festus is gonna come running in here yelling about Bobby Simmons falling from his horse. His Ma and Pa will be bringing him to your office. He hit his head, but he's gonna be just fine in a few days." She said and just then Festus came running into Del Monicos hollering for Doc.

"Doc! Doc!, It's Bobby Simmons, he done fell off of his horse." Without thinking about what Kitty had said, Doc went into his Doctor's mode and headed out the door. Kitty got up from her seat and placed five dollars on the table and headed out the door.

Doc finished examining young Bobby and left him in the back room then headed out into the outer office to see his parents.

Robert Simmons stood by doc's desk and Cara sat on the couch, with Kitty right by her side. "Doc, how's my boy?" He said heading towards Doc.

"He's gonna be just fine, Robert. He just needs a little rest, which is what you two need to be doing. I want you two to go over to Ma Smalley's and get some rest."

"Thank you so much, Doc." Cara said as she stood up and her husband lead her out of the office and down to Ma Smalley's. Kitty continued to sit there, she watched Doc close the door and he looked over at her.

"I guess now I'm suppose to believe your story about knowing what your future holds?" He said sitting down beside her. "I'm a man of science, Kitty, I can't just go on coincidences."

"I know, Doc. Darien McGray will be in town tomorrow and he'll call Matt out." She said as she stood up.

"Don't you think someone should give Matt a heads up on this?" He said feeling alarmed.

"No! Don't you get it, Doc, if you say anything, you could change the outcome of it. Matt will succeed, he's faster than Darien, but if you tell him, he might try to stop him before he is ready, he may lose his edge." She said terrified of Doc going to speak with Matt.

"Kitty, calm down, I won't say anything, I promise!" He said gently squeezing her hand. Kitty calmed down, she stood up and began to pace.

"Doc, please, do not say anything to Matt. If something were to happen to him because I told you, I would die." She began to cry. "I'm not telling you these things to change what happens, I'm trying to get you to understand that I know what the future holds for Matt and I. I can't bear the idea of losing him and there is nothing left but memories to keep me warm at night."

"I promised you I would not say anything to Matt, and I won't, but I'm gonna ask you, if what you say is true, about Darien McGray, and he calls Matt out tomorrow, I do not want to know anything else about what will or will not happen. Do I make myself clear?" He asked her.

"Yes, I promise, Doc, I won't bring it up again, I swear." She said as he walked over and poured two glasses of whiskey.

"Here, I think we can both use this." He said handing her a glass. Kitty took the proffered glass and took a sip of the whiskey. Doc followed suit. Doc wasn't too sure what he was dealing with here. It was odd that she would say such things, and he had never known her to be irrational or even hysterical. One thing he knew for certain, was her devotion and love for the Big Marshal.

Doc sat beside Bobby's bed, watching the young boy sleep peacefully. He finally decided to lay down on the couch in the room in order to be close the young boy just in case. He knew that he would not be able to sleep, his mind was reeling about the things that Kitty had told him.

Kitty lay in her bed alone. The tears fell down her cheeks as she thought of everything she had been through today. Why she told Doc, she had no idea. How could he possibly help her if she made him promise to tell no one? She felt as though she had lost the battle and the time she was spending here, was taking away from her time with Matt. She wanted him beside her. Reaching over for the pillow, she pulled it against her and hid her face in it as she cried. She could still smell his scent on the pillow and that just made it worse.

The morning came, and the room was soon flooded with light. Gently she climbed out of bed. Her body ached for his touch but she could not give in. He had to understand what he was losing. She loved him more than anything. Kitty sat at her vanity, she began to brush her hair and listened to the noise on the street. Standing up, she headed over to the window and looked down in the street. Matt stood in the street as Darien McGray called him out. Doc had been at the Mercantile not far from the Jail, and he stood on the stoop watching as the two men drew their guns. When the smoke cleared, he saw Matt still standing and Darien was laying on the ground. Doc looked up, to see Kitty standing in her window, wearing a robe, and her long hair pulled over one shoulder. He could see the distress in her features. Lowering her head, she turned and headed back into the room to get dressed and ready for the day.

Doc watched as the men picked up Darien and headed over to Percy's. Matt headed back towards his office and Doc soon followed to make sure he was fine. Kitty quickly dressed and pulled her hair into a braid and headed downstairs and out the door over to the jail. Matt and Doc were standing on the porch, and watched as Kitty made her way across the street. There were several women standing at the general store, and watched as Kitty walked across the street. Matt noticed the women talking and looking at Kitty. Then they lifted their heads snubbing her, but she saw them and held her head high as she lifted her skirt to walk across the dirt road. Matt had seen their actions and he realized that Doc was right about the way this good town saw her. Maybe not all of them, but these women had a great deal of pull in town.

"Kitty, I'm fine!" He said heading into the jail, leaving her standing on the stoop with Doc. Doc looked at her, questioning his actions. The he saw the tear in her eyes and he gently caressed her arm. He held his hand out as to lead her into the jail, but she shook her head slightly and turned and walked back across the street, heading back to the Long Branch. When she reached the door, she saw the three women standing by the mercantile and she smiled then headed back into the saloon.

Doc entered the jail. "You wanna tell me what the hell that was all about?" He said walking over to him. Matt was sitting at his desk and looked up at him.

"What are you talking about, Doc?" Matt said as he looked up from his paperwork.

"That cold shoulder you gave, Kitty." He said stepping over to the desk.

"What are you talking about, I didn't give her the cold shoulder." He said going back to his paperwork.

"You are a damn fool, Matt. You're going to push that woman so far away that there will be no turning back." He said angrily.

"Excuse me, Doc, but this is the way she wanted it. She wanted me to release her and so I have." He said looking back at his paper.

"You are a damn fool, Matt." Doc said heading out the door. He stops and looks back at him. "I just hope you don't live to regret it." Doc closed the door, slamming it slightly.

Sam watched as Kitty tried to make herself busy with serving drinks and talking to the few customers in the saloon. It was still too early for the crowd, but he could see that she was tired and there was a sadness in her eyes as well. Before the big crowd hit though, she was heading up the stairs to her room. She had told Sam she was tired and that if he didn't mind, she was going to go to bed.

Sarah Gooding had been standing outside the Mercantile with Minnie Thomas and Olivia Abrams. She had watched the cold exchange between the marshal and his woman. She knew that this was her chance to get the good looking young marshal to court her niece Tilda Lynne Gooding. A thirty year old spinster who has never been married and prefers to keep her nose in the books, then date. Sarah lifted her skirt and headed quickly to her carriage and home.

Matt walked over to the window of the jail. Looking over at the Long Branch, he saw the light go on in Kitty's room. He watched her walk past the window then after a little while, she came back with her hair down and wearing a robe. He watched as the light went out. It was too early for her to go to bed, but obviously she wasn't in the mood to be in the saloon. Matt thought back to only a few hours early, had he been too harsh with her? He shook his head as he walked back over to his desk. Sitting down, he wondered again if maybe he had been too harsh with Kitty. "Damn women!" He grumbled to himself as he went back to his paperwork

**TBC**


	9. If Looks Could Kill

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 9**

I am beginning to think that this story may be hard for many people to deal with. Or perhaps it's not that great, but please stick with this story and I promise you might enjoy it.

KR

**If Looks Could Kill**

Kitty hadn't seen Matt in almost three days. When she had asked Doc, he had grumbled at her that Matt was being an ass, and not worth his time. Festus avoided the saloon and her. And Newly, well, he wasn't usually a coward, but he adored Kitty and decided it was a good time to head down to Christmas Grove and check out the fishing. Kitty figured Matt was just angry with her and avoiding her. And then it happened. Stepping up onto the sidewalk, Kitty heard the unmistakable hi-pitched laughter of Tilda Lynne Gooding. Kitty lifted her head too see, Matt standing by Del Monicos talking with Tilda and her aunt Sarah. Tilda had a good grip on Matt's arm and he laughed at her remarks. Her heart was in her throat, and she tried desperately not to gag on the fact that he was walking and talking with such a woman. Placing her hand over her heart, she wanted to run away and cry. Taking a deep breath, she stepped up onto the sidewalk and headed down towards the Long Branch.

Stepping into her office, she set the basket down on the table and took out the lunch she just gotten from Ma Smalley as a surprise for Matt to make up for the distance. Now she was angry, but she wasn't going to let him anger her. He was just trying to make her jealous is all, and she wasn't falling for it. Sitting down at the table, she took the bottle of wine out of the basket and took the corkscrew and opened it then poured herself a glass and sat there contemplating her next move. Or actually contemplating his next move. Picking up the basket, she headed out of the office and out of the saloon. As she came out, Festus pulled up with the buggy she had rented. "Miss Kitty, you and the Marshal going on a picnic?" He asked her as he got down from the buggy. Kitty took the basket and placed it on the floor of the buggy then climbed in without say a word. "Miss Kitty, ain't ya gonna wait fer the Marshal?"

"Nope." She said taking the reins into her hands. "He's a little pre-occupied right now with Tilda Lynne." She said looking at Festus who looked down, uncomfortably. "So I guess you knew about her?" She said as looked at him. Angrily she struck the horse with the whip and quickly took off for anyplace out of Dodge. He heard her exclaim one word on her way out of town. "MEN!"

As she pulled around the bend, she saw Matt walking by the pond with Tilda Lynne on his arm. Her mind began to burn. 'How dare he bring that spinster to our place?' Angrily she slapped the reins and took off fast past Matt and Tilda. Matt looked up to see her riding past, this was the second time today she had seen him with Tilda and this time was purely accidental. He hadn't expected her to come to the pond, it was their place and he knew that it had to hurt her seeing him there with Tilda.

Kitty drove for about an hour and then headed back to Dodge. She knew that Matt and Tilda would be home by now and she did not want to run into them again. It was about six o'clock when she entered Dodge and headed down Front Street towards the Long Branch. As she approached, she saw Matt and Tilda walking from Del Monico's heading towards the Jail. She smiled sweetly at both of them and continued on her way. As she was pulling up to the Long Branch, Festus was on his way down the stairs that led to Doc's office. He hurried his steps a little to catch up with her. "Howdy Miss Kitty."

Smiling, she put on a brave face so that he would not know that she had been crying during her ride. He saw the sparkle in her eyes, but he could sense that something was bothering her.

"Hello Festus." She said tying off the reins as he reached up and took her by the waist helping her down. "Thank you, Festus." She said as she turned and picked up the basket then started to head for the Long Branch.

"Miss Kitty, you want I should take this here rig back over to Moss Grimmick's?" He asked her as he watched her move towards the Long Branch.

"Oh, yes please Festus, that would be great and I do appreciate it. Come back here when you're done and I'll have Sam set up a few rounds for you." She said glancing over at Matt and Tilda heading into the Jail. Neither one of them looked back at her. She headed inside the Long Branch.

"Thank you, Miss Kitty." He said as he climbed into the buggy and turned it around heading back to Moss Grimmick's livery stable.

Kitty entered the Long Branch. There were a dozen or so people in the saloon, as it was still fairly early. Setting the basket on the counter, she looked at Sam who stepped over to her. "Sam would you do me a favor and get rid of this for me?" She asked as he took the basket and looked inside.

"It don't look like you hardly touched it." He stated looking up into her sad blue eyes.

"Just get rid of the contents and have Sally take it back to Ma Smalley's please." She said as she laid her hand on the bar. "I'm sorry, Sam, I'm just a bit tired. If you don't mind, see if Sally will help you with the bartending tonight. I think I'm gonna go to bed early."

"You want I should fetch Doc." He said as he lifted the basket off of the bar and set it underneath.

"No, that won't be necessary, I'm just gonna call it a night." She said walking over to the stairs, stopping to greet customers and saying hello, then headed up the stairs to her door. Once inside, she locked the door and leaned against it, then let the tears fall.

Matt had returned to the jail and sat talking with Tilda. "Matt, really, I don't have a problem with this. I know how much you love Kitty and how much she loves you." She said as he handed her a cup of coffee.

"I didn't want to take you to lunch on pretense, I needed you to know how I felt." He said as he sat down across from her at the table. "Kitty means the world to me."

"Then why won't you marry her, Matt?" She said leaning closer to him. "I know…I know! You told me your reasoning, Matt. But you and I have been friends a long time. You know that I'm not like the average woman, I don't want to get married and have a bunch of kids. I want to write and see the world. There is something else out there for me, but I just need to find the courage to go for it. And I know you, from the moment Kitty Russell got off that stage six years ago, you have been caught on that hook. Marrying her will not put her in more danger. Don't you know what that woman has already gone through for you? Kitty is a very strong woman, Matt and I think the only thing she cannot handle is losing you." She said looking into his blue eyes.

"How is it you and Doc are on the same page? Are you two conspiring against me?" He said smiling.

"Now you know we wouldn't do that. Besides, Doc thinks you really are courting me. You and I are the only ones who know the truth." She said. "Look, I know you have a great deal of thinking to do, I'm gonna go, Aunt Sarah is probably finished at the Mercantile, so I'll ride home with her and Uncle Ted." She said getting up and he stood up as well.

"Let me walk with you." He said as he opened the door and led her out. They walked over to the mercantile where her Aunt and Uncle were just putting the rest of their goods into the wagon.

Kitty was in her room, putting her dress on the hanger and she saw Matt standing with Tilda and her family. Taking a deep breath she sat herself down in the chair and bowed her head and desperately tried to stop the tears, but was unsuccessful. She wanted to tear Tilda to pieces. But even though she was angry with her, she didn't hate her. She and Tilda were friendly. It was her Aunt Sarah who was the stick in the mud. She turned the lamp off and went back over to her bed, where she laid down and cried. She hadn't bothered to take her robe off or turn the bed down.

**TBC**


	10. I Never Knew Such Pain

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 10**

I know. I know, my muse is totally evil. I cannot control the evil little thing. But at least she is working for you all. I hope that you all continue to read. If you think that it is too boring or moving too slowly, please let me know.

KR

**I Never Knew Such Pain**

Two days later, Doc had just about had enough of this. Kitty had been walking around barely talking to Doc at all. Festus was always moody because Matt was grumpy even though he was seeing Tilda and Doc just couldn't take it anymore. He tried to talked to Kitty, but she had told him it wasn't important and would head into her office: locking herself in the room alone. Going to Matt was useless because Matt would just grumble at him how it was Kitty's idea to break up in the first place and he was just trying to go on with his life. That was a line that Doc did not believe.

"Oh, for pete sake, what are you trying to prove by courting that girl Tilda for anyway she isn't your type. She likes to keep her head in a book all the time anyway?" Doc asked Matt.

"What's your point, Doc? Tilda may not be Kitty Russell, but she's a good, honest woman. And I like seeing her." He said half heartedly.

"Why don't you try that again, this time with a little more feeling." He said sarcastically.

"Doc, I don't know what you're trying to do, but I have work to do and what's between Kitty and I, or I should say, what was between Kitty and I is none of your business or anyone elses for that matter." He said returning to the paperwork in front of him.

Not liking his tone anymore, Doc headed for the door. Before he opened the door, Tilda came into the jail. "Oh, Hi Doc Adams." She said. Doc looked up at her and grumbled as he headed out the door. "What's wrong with him?" She asked Matt as he looked up.

"He's just being a busy body is all." Matt said walking over to her. "Come on in, sit down." He said pulling a chair up to the front of his desk so she could sit across from him while he worked and they talked.

"He was talking to you about Kitty, wasn't he?" She said as she took a seat and he took his seat behind the desk. Matt sat down and did not answer. "Well, what did he have to say?"

"Tilda, it's not important. Doc is just being a pest is all." He said lifting a piece of paper and looking it over. "He wants me to stop courting you and go back to Kitty." He said looking up at Tilda.

"So maybe you should do as he tells you. He is your oldest and dearest friend, and he is the town Doctor so he does know what's best for you." She said laughing at him. Matt laughed at her. Suddenly the door opened and Kitty stepped inside.

"Matt, I, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had….." She didn't know what to say. Matt realized he had made a big mistake, the look of hurt on her face had told him everything. She felt the walls closing in on her and she needed to get out before she suffocated. Quickly she turns and heads out the door. Matt rushes over to the door to see her lifting her skirt slightly and quickly running across the street to the Long Branch.

"Go after her!" Tilda told him as she stood there by him.

"No. I can't. She wouldn't listen to a word I said. She needs time to calm down and I need time to think how I'm gonna explain this to her." He said heading back to his desk. Tilda watched as her friend sat down and desperately tried to keep his nerves from fraying anymore.

Kitty headed towards the Long Branch. Once inside, she rushed through the saloon and headed into her office without saying a word. She threw her packages down on the table and went over to the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and poured herself a glass and drank it down. She then threw the glass and it shattered on the wall. Within a few minutes, Sam came rushing into the room.

"Miss Kitty, are you alright?" He said opening the door. Kitty looked up at him and he saw a great deal of anger in her eyes.

"I'm fine, Sam, thank you." She crossed her arms over her breast waiting for him to leave. Sam shook his head and slowly backed out of the office. Kitty sat down at the table and cried. How could he do that to her? After all this time, he'd throw everything away on some old spinster. Breathing deeply, she decided she wasn't wasting anymore tears. She was going to go upstairs and change and get ready for work. Taking her packages, she headed up the backstairs to her room. Once in her room, she set the packages on the bed and went over to her dress closet and began to look at what she had. The dark blue dress in the back caught her eye and she carefully pulled it from the back. She hadn't warn it in a very long time. Then she saw that it was a low cut-off the shoulder type dress. Thinking about it for a moment, she decided it was definitely something she should try on. Stepping behind the divider, Kitty undressed. She took her day clothing off and replaced the dress with the dark blue dress. Stepping out from behind the divider, she stepped in front of the full length mirror. As she looked in the mirror, she smiled as she realized that the dress fit her perfectly. Just the right amount of breast was uncovered and she always did like her shoulders even with the slight spread of freckles. Sitting down at her vanity, she looked at her face and her hair, and decided she looked good enough for the saloon. She started to get up, then decided to put a little lipstick on. Taking the brush, she dipped it into the red lipstick and carefully painted her lips. Smiling, she liked the work she had done. She then got up and headed for her door but not before taking one more look at herself and her figure in the mirror. She was very proud of her figure. She realized that Tilda Lynne could not hold a candle to her. She wasn't a particularly conceded person, but she knew she was attractive and men liked that. Smiling, she thought, tonight was her night.

Doc caught up with Matt as he stepped out of the jail, leaving Festus inside the jail, taking a nap. "You headin' over to the Long Branch, Matt?" Doc said as he stepped up onto the boardwalk. Matt looked over at the Long Branch. It certainly was jumping for a Thursday night and he noticed the music and crowds coming and going.

"Looks like the Long Branch is pretty busy tonight, I wonder what the big attraction is?" He said as he and Doc headed over to the Long Branch. Matt looked over the batwing doors to see the room jumping with commotion and laughter. There was a rather large crowd gathered about a table and Matt figured there was a poker game going on. Two men moved from the front of the table, giving Matt a view of the center of the table and of Kitty who was laughing as she pulled the pile of chips towards her. She knew that the men were there because of the dress and she didn't mind it at all. She would let them all look until she decided it was enough. Matt swallowed hard, he noticed the dress she was wearing and she hadn't warn it for a while, because he had asked her to only wear it when they had dinner dates in her room. He loved the dress and he loved the way it came off of her. Her hair was pulled up in a soft bun with ringlets framing her beautiful face. She hadn't looked up at him and he noticed that she was too busy, shuffling the cards and the men found it fascinating to watch her. Doc was watching Matt's reaction, because he too had not seen that dress on her before. She was beautiful. Doc smiled as he saw the jealousy in Matt's eyes. Matt looked over at Sam who had been watching him and he headed over to the bar. It was then that Kitty saw Matt and Doc heading over to the bar.

"Gentlemen, if you will excuse me, I'm going to sit this hand out." She said getting up and looking at her stack of chips. One of the cowboys smiled then grabbed the empty pitcher from one of the tables and shoveled them into to the pitcher for her.

"Here ya go, Miss Kitty." She said handing her the pitcher. Kitty laughed heartily and took the pitcher from him.

"Thank you, Jimmy." He said heading over to the bar and stepping behind it. "Howdy Doc, Matt!" She said smiling and placing her winning on a towel on the counter. "Sam, I think these may need to be cleaned." She smiles and he just laughs. "Would you just take my winnings from the box and we can clean these up later?" She said placing the pitcher into the sink. "Can I get you a beer Doc, Matt?" She asked them.

"Sounds good, Kitty. Might I say you look quite lovely tonight." HE said as she began to pour two beers for them.

"Well, thank you, Doc." She said sitting his beer on the counter.

"Don't you think Kitty looks beautiful tonight, Matt?" Doc goaded him.

"Yes, just lovely." He said staring intensely at her. Matt moved over towards her and leaned down to speak with her. "I thought we agreed that that dress was a little too much for public gatherings." He said quietly so only she could hear him. Kitty lifted the tray holding four beers on it and looked up to see him gazing at her bare chest.

"You asked me not to wear it, but I figure, since you are now seeing Tilda, I was free to wear what I want and do as I please." She said taking the tray and heading over to a table where she set the tray down. Matt watched as the men handed her money and stared at what he felt was only his to gaze upon. One of the men gently placed his hand on her waist and Kitty took him by the wrist and removed his hand. "You need to keep your hands on the table, otherwise you might just lose it." She said smiling down at the young drunk cowboy.

**TBC**


	11. I Will Not Let Go

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 11**

This is one hell of a journey and the muse is in complete control of my writing. Of which I am truly happy. I hope you all will continue to follow this story.

KR

**I Will Not Let Go**

Kitty stood at the table delivering more beers to the customers. Kelly Hobbs was drunk as could be, but he was always harmless. He stood there admiring the beautiful redhead.

"Miss Kitty, you sure is the prettiest thing in this town." He said slightly slurring his words.

"Well, thank you, kindly." She said taking the empty tray and her money back over to the bar where Sam was busy pouring beers. Matt watched as she loaded beer onto the tray and headed for another table. Again, he watched as the men flirted with Kitty and she openly flirted right back.

For the next hour and an half, he watched her going around the room, serving drinks, stopping to play a hand or two of poker or interfering in a game of checkers. Keeping the peace and just having a good time. Doc watched Matt watching Kitty. Smiling, he believed the good Marshal was about to come undone. He watched as one of the drunk cowboys grabbed Kitty about the waist and started to dance with her, till he bumped into the large form of one Matt Dillon. Kitty realized that Matt was very angry. "Jake, why don't you go have a beer on me." She said showing the cowboy to the other side of the bar, who looked scared to death.

"Thank you, Miss Kitty." He said as he leaned against the bar and Sam poured him a beer.

"Doc, why don't you let me freshen up that beer for you. You've been nursing it for over an hour." She said taking his glass and going around the bar.

Matt didn't say a word, he watched every move she made. Her breast hanging out slightly over the dress and he smiled as his mouth watered to taste her skin. Doc watched him and decided he was tired and wanted to go to his room and get some sleep. He sipped his beer and placed his money on the counter. "I think I'm gonna call it a night." He said placing his hat back on his head.

"Good night, Doc." Kitty said smiling at him.

"I'll walk with you, Doc." He looks back at Kitty and nods at her. Kitty nodded back as she pulled another glass out from under the counter.

A few hours later, Sam and Kitty were closing up the saloon. She had finished washing the glasses while he finished cleaning up the floors and putting the chairs on the tables. "Miss Kitty, I'm done why don't you turn in. I'll turn out the lanterns and lock up."

"Sounds good, I'm pretty tired. Do me a favor and check the back door too." She asked him.

"Will do, Miss Kitty." He said as he headed for the back office to check the back door. Kitty headed up stairs to her room. She opened the door and stepped into the room. Matt grabbed her quickly and threw his hand over her mouth as he pushed her against the wall. He moved his hand and suddenly his mouth was on hers. His hands slid inside the top of her dress and pulled, ripping the front of her dress and bearing her to his touch. He was rough with her, shoving her skirt out of the way and ripping her under garments from her body.

"No! Stop!" She said pushing him away. "I can't do this." She cried as she pulled her dress closed in the front. Kitty ran her hand through her mussed up hair and turned to face him, holding her blouse closed. "I can't do this, I won't." She said staring into the confused eyes of Matt. He had wanted her so badly and she knew in a way she wanted him to react in such a way, but she couldn't let him win. "I love you, God I love you, but damn it, Matt don't you understand how hard this is for me?" Kitty turned her back and leaned over her dresser. Matt saw the distress in her body and decided to leave. He was doing more harm than good. He wanted to ignore her pleading, but he realized it would be best if he left.

"I'm sorry." He said as he placed his hat on and headed out the door.

Kitty fell to the bed and sobbed. She didn't want it to end with her standing there alone by his casket and regretting so much unfulfilled life. Her heart broke and she wept until she fell asleep. Hours later, the sun light crept across her bed. Kitty sleepily began to stir. Sitting up, she looked down at her bared chest and pulled the dress closed. Sitting on her bed, she looked around the room and decided hastily that she needed to get away. Getting up off of the bed, she headed for the washroom where she would bathe and then get dressed and pack her things.

Matt stepped out onto the front boardwalk of the jail. Doc came walking up the walk with his bag in his hands. It was just past noon and Matt was going to head over to Del Monico's for some lunch. "Where ya' headed, Doc?" He asked as he stood near the edge of the boardwalk.

"Same place as you, Del Monico's for lunch." He said as they both stepped down the boardwalk and headed over to Del Monico's.

Sitting at the resturaunt, Matt and Doc were eating their lunch and enjoying conversation. "How about a game of checkers after, Matt?"

"Maybe later, Doc, I need to go over to the Long Branch and see Kitty. I have some apologizing to do." He said taking another spoonful of his mashed potatoes.

"Kitty ain't there, Matt, she left this morning on the nine o'clock stage to Garden City. Told Sam she got a letter from a friend in need and was heading out there for a week or so." Doc realized that Kitty had never told him she was leaving. "Why didn't she tell you she was leaving? Did you two have another fight?" Doc asked him.

"Something like that." He said as he set his fork down. He was done. He sat there staring at his plate, his appetite was gone. 'Why would she just up and leave and how long was she planning on being gone?' He asked himself. This was not a good development, he wasn't quite sure he had pushed her too hard. He was so intent on his thinking that he never heard Doc talking to him.

"Hey, Matt, you wanna come back? You were really far away, there." He said as Matt blinked then looked at him.

"Did you say something, Doc?" He said looking at him.

"I was just wondering where you were, there? Thinking about Kitty, no doubt." He said as he set his napkin down and leaned in. "Why don't we go over to the Long Branch and see if Sam Knows anything more." Doc said as he stood up and waited for Matt to stand. Matt stood up, laid some money on the table and headed out the door with Doc right behind him.

"Well, that was utterly useless." Matt grumbled as he headed back towards the jail. Doc just shook his head as he watched Matt leave and head over to the jail.

Festus came up behind Doc. "Hey Doc, what's wrong with Matthew?"

"He done got himself bit by the prettiest little reheaded love bug around." He chuckled as he headed back to his office.

**TBC**


	12. Finding My Way Back To You

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 12 **

**Finding My Way Back to You **

Notes: Have Kitty go back to the way it was. It is four years after Matt's death and she is living a sad and lonely life. I'm not so sure that this one is going to make any sense to anyone. I'm not so sure it makes much sense to me, but it was there, and had to be written. I apologize for my muse or lack thereof.

KR

Kitty had fallen asleep on the coach ride back to Dodge. Sitting across from her was none other than Will Mannon. She tried to remember when he had gotten on the stage. Her mind flashed back to the day Mannon returned to Dodge. It was almost a year ago, when he showed up at the Long Branch.

Kitty fell against the bar. She hit her side, and looked at Mannon. "You and I have some unfinished business, Reds."

"IF memory serves me, correctly, you couldn't finish your business last time, I highly doubt you will finish tonight." She said grabbing the bottle from the counter and breaking it. "I'll kill you if you try, or you'll kill me, one way or another, one of us will not walk out of here."

"I do love a woman with spunk, Reds." He said moving closer to her. Kitty stepped back against the bar, but he was quicker than she. He grabbed her wrist, squeezing it brutally until she dropped the bottle. He then turned her around and clamped his hand over her mouth as he dragged her into the back room, to her office where he brutally rapes and beats her.

"It's about time you woke up, Reds." He said staring at her. She wanted to get off of the stage, but a sharp pain brought her to a holt, as memories ripped through her mind. She saw Matt's casket being lowered into the ground. Newly going up against Mannon for raping and beating her. Festus came up against him soon after he returned and found out that Newly had been shot dead. Tears began to fall down her cheeks again. "Now, now, Reds, I thought we settled all that. You needn't cry over a dead man or two or three." He laughed at her. They had been gone from Dodge for almost three months, well, she had been gone. She had run away, but he had found her. Her hand fell to her slightly protruding belly, and she thought of the baby growing inside. She had been with Matt for nineteen years, and they had been so careful not to get pregnant, but Mannon did not give her a chance to avoid this situation. After killing Newly and Festus, he shot and badly wounded Sam. That meant there wasn't a man left in Dodge with the backbone to go up against Mannon and he took what he wanted. He took claim of the Long Branch; it's owner, and made it publically known that she belonged to him. No man even so much as smiled at her knowing that they would have to try to face down Mannon's gun. Everything was coming apart, her life was not what she had wanted it to be and all the dreams she had, of Matt, his children, they were just that, dreams and she was angry. How dare God do this to her? Hadn't she been through enough? She hated Mannon with everything that was in her. How could she carry his child when she wanted him dead, and as for the child, she didn't want that child either, it belonged to a murderer, it would only be logical that it too would be evil, like his father. "When we get back to Dodge, I'll have one of the other rooms next to yours opened up and we'll make a nursery out of it." He said leaning forward and gently caressing her belly. The anger in her just rolled over her and she slapped him across the face. Mannon touched his cheek then suddenly he slapped her and she fell onto the seat of the coach. She looked up at him as she touched her nose, feeling the blood dripping from her nostril. Seething, she grabbed something, anything and hit him. Mannon threw his arm up to defend himself from her blows. But she was like a madwoman as she continued to strike him. Mannon laughed at her striking him with the cane. Suddenly he grabbed the cane out of her hand and struck her hard across the face. He throws the cane out the window of the stage and looks down at her as she lay on the floor sobbing. Slowly, methodically, he began to unbuttoned his jacket and smiled down at her as he did so.

The coach pulled up to the Dodge depot and the driver looked down at the door, sickened by what he had heard going on, but unable to stop Mannon because his partner had been shot when they tried to stop him and pull him away from Kitty. Mannon climbed out of the coach and looked back into the coach. She had stopped crying as she lay on the coach seat. Angrily he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of the coach, throwing her to the ground. There were a few townsfolk gathered around, and looked on in horror as she lay beaten on the ground. Slowly she climbed to her feet, but it wasn't fast enough for him and he grabbed her by the hair pulling her completely upright. Her lip was busted and dried blood left a trail down her chin from her nose and from her lip. Her left cheek was bruising, her blouse torn open and she tried to pull it closed but he grabbed her arm and headed over to the Long Branch as the town watched helplessly. It would not be good for the Saloon owner, and they knew this. The saloon was open but there were only a handful of people inside. Most of them were strangers to Dodge. Who only visited on rare occasions. They watched as the man entered the saloon with the battered woman and headed up stairs without saying a word.

The next few days were quiet in Dodge as Mannon stayed in the room with Kitty. When Sally had come up to bring a tray of food, she had seen through the crack of the door, that Kitty's right hand was shackled to the brass bed and she was on her side facing the opposite way, the sheet was pulled down to her hips and she was naked from there up. She also noticed the bruises on Kitty's back. The sight of her boss, made her sick inside. Mannon took the tray and stared at her, she quickly cowered away from him and headed back down the stairs. No one saw her for the next few days not even her girls. About a week or so later, the new Doc in town had given her a clean bill of health, but had told her to take it easy. Kitty never said a word to him. She just stared out the window as Mannon tried to make small talk with the doctor who didn't like him either. He knew that Kitty was withdrawing from the world. With the exception of Matt, Mannon had killed everyone she loved. Doc, Newly, Festus, and Sam, well he still wasn't able to walk on his injured leg. She just wanted to curl up and die. The child growing inside of her, she didn't want it, she wanted to die. She smiled slightly as she thought of Matt. His smile in her mind would be all that she had left of him. Mannon had taken everything from her, every piece of jewelry, every dress was destroyed because he didn't know what had been given to her by Matt Dillon and he wanted nothing of Dillon left behind. What he couldn't take from her were the memories and she held onto those as tight as she could. Doc Stillman left and Kitty watched as Mannon walked over to the nightstand. He opened the drawer and pulled out the US Marshal's Badge she had hidden in the bottom of her closet, thinking it would be safe. "I found this little tin star hidden in the bottom of your closet." He said looking at the last thing she held onto.

Kitty stood up and started to walk towards him. She held her hand out towards him. "Give it to me, it's mine." She said approaching him. He just smiled at her. "You've taken everything from me, you've left me nothing. I want the badge, it belonged to a good decent man."

"You're dead Marshal?" He laughs and she slaps him, but he continued to laugh at her. She tried to grab for it, but he shoved her and she fell to the floor. He then threw the badge and fired a shot at it, shooting it clean through the middle. Kitty crawled over to the badge that lay on the floor. She looked at it and cried as she held it to her breast. He angrily grabbed her by the hair and pulled her head back. "You're Marshal is dead!" He said getting in her face. Kitty suddenly grabbed his gun from the holster and he backed away slightly. "You gonna kill me, Reds?" He said backing up somewhat towards the door. Kitty slowly got to her feet.

"You're already dead, Mannon. You have no heart, no feelings, so that makes you dead. I want you to know that you will never see this bastard of yours born." She turned the gun and suddenly shot herself in the chest. He grabbed her about the waist as her body went limp in his arms.

"No! NOOOOOO!" He yelled as he held her lifeless form in his arms.

***********************************

Kitty woke with a jolt. She realized that she was back on the stage. Sitting across from her was Helmick and the young woman with her son. She was back on the stage from garden city and her mind was trying to process everything she had either dreamed or been through. She wasn't too sure. "Are you alright, Miss Russell?" Helmick asked concerned.

"Yes, I…just a bad dream." She said sitting straighter in her seat. "Thank you." She said as she looked out the window and gazed out. Something was nudging her insides and she couldn't get her mind to stop racing.

**TBC**

I am sorry but my muse is working hard or hardly working, one or the other. Anyway, hope this doesn't bring too many awful thoughts about me. Wow, my muse is a real bi…!


	13. If You Miss Me Once In a While

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 13**

Thank you to everyone who is staying with this story. I am hoping it is to your liking, though my muse seems to be taking me for a run for my money. I have no idea at this time, where I am headed with this. This is an apology for my last chapter, that is why I am writing it and posting it only a day later. My muse was Tracy Chapman's The Promise. The song was truly inspirational. I am hoping to take it further in another story.

KR

**If You Miss Me Once In A While**

The return trip from Garden City was not at all comfortable. She was sharing the ride with a professional gambler, one she knew she could out draw at any game. Next to her was a largely built man, who was as miserable as she felt, but at least she put on a smile. Across from her was a woman and her son. She had heard them all exchange names and even said hers, but for the life of her, right now, she couldn't remember a one. She had been gone from Dodge two weeks without a word to anyone, until she was returning. She knew that the game she was playing was dangerous and she needed to think things through but the chatter in the coach was more than she could handle. Her head was hurting and she didn't realize what was happening until someone told her to get out. She looked up to see a man standing at the door with a pistol. The men exited first and then she and the other woman followed. Kitty was the last out of the coach and she stood there as the driver tried to be a hero and got himself shot. The man standing in front of her was demanding her jewelry, which she began to take off immediately. She knew what would happen, she'd been here before, but she felt as though she were moving in slow motion. She followed their directions and with the others, she travelled on foot. They were being herded through some rough terrain. When she had asked the leader what he was going to do with them, he told her that the five of them were being held for ransom.

She was tired and her feet hurt as did just about everything else on her body. Kneeling beside the driver, she began to tear off a part of her petticoat. Will Helmick had made a remark about suffering injury to get a look at her petticoat. She didn't like him nor did she like his attitude towards trying to escape. Grant Shay had been watching her as well. She saw his eyes on her as she lifted the petticoat to rip the edge off, but she pretended not to notice him. She remembered what had happened last time. And what would have happened had he succeeded in taking her the first time. She continued to help the driver as Dobbs and Dorner continued to walk around and watch the hostages. Dobbs suddenly grabbed Kitty's arm and pulled her to her feet. "Maybe you could attend to me." He said trying to pull her against him, but she pulled from his grasp. Suddenly Johnny tried to intercede and then found himself lying on the ground. Kitty rushed to his side as Dobbs pulled his pistol from the holster to shoot and kill him. And Kitty made a deal with the devil once again, promising to pay five hundred dollars for the kid. She didn't care about the money, she only wanted to get through this and get back to Matt. She should have remembered the dates and the fact that she had been on the stage and held hostage.

Everything was unfolding as before, being cooped up in the corral and all of them were cold. She really should have brought a jacket. She convinced Shay to give them some blankets and firewood. Then she tried to convince Johnny that it would be useless to try to do anything, because there were too many of his men there. She had repeatedly told him not to and when she went to sleep, she was confident in believing that he would listen to her this time. However, when morning came she was truly surprised to see he did not listen to her warning. She was angry with him and angry with Shay's men for their treatment of him. Rushing to his side, she knelt down to make sure he was alright. They gently lifted him and took him closer to the fire and made him comfortable. She watched and listened as Shay told Eleanor Starky that she would ride to Dodge with Dorner to inform them of the deal and collect the money. Kitty held onto her son, as he tried to pull away and run to his mother. Now they would have to wait for Matt and Festus to arrive. Helmick was still as annoying as before. But as she calmed herself down, she realized that she was going to get out of this. She hadn't come this far to die and lose everything now.

Standing by the railing, she watched as Matt made his way down with Dorner and Eleanor. Grant stood there with his men watching and he watched her as well. She was very beautiful, and he wanted her. He also knew that it would be dangerous, because she was the Marhsal's woman. But anything worth fighting for was also worth dying for he thought to himself. He had to hand it to her, her Marshal was a big man. And in the end, the Marshal would win, he had a feeling that Matt Dillon was about to send him to his grave. He watched as Dillon dismounted his horse then made eye contact with the beautiful redhead. "I'm glad you decided to bring the money. There's been a slight change in plans, Marshal." He said triumphantly.

"What change?" Matt said not liking his cocky tone.

"Well, to insure safe travel, I'll be taking your girlfriend with us." He said looking over at Kitty, who did not seem to be surprised. "Come here!" He commanded her but she stood her ground. "NOW!" He said with much more force. She made a move towards him and all hell broke loose. Matt fired and killed Grant Shay and Kitty angrily attacked Dobbs for man-handling her. She used the board and struck him on the back as he tried to climb the fence and get away. Suddenly Matt grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face him.

"Kitty, it's over!" He said to her and saw the fire in her eyes. "It's okay, it's over." He said pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly against his chest. He could feel the tension slipping from her body as he held her tightly. He wasn't going to let her go, not now, now ever again.

Will Helmich watched as the Marshal led Kitty over to his horse and gently grabbing her about the waist and lifting her up onto his horse, then he climbed up behind her and not caring what anyone may think or say, he wrapped his arm around her waist and held onto her as they headed back to Dodge.

The money was returned to its rightful owners. And the people were taken to the Dodge House where they could rest up and head on their way in the morning. Matt had finished his paperwork and reports. Festus was playing checkers with Quint. "Festus, you think you and Quint can hold down the fort for a while?" He said standing up and grabbing his hat.

"Sher thang Mathew." He said looking up from the checkers for a moment.

"Don't worry, Matt, I'll keep him out of trouble." Quint said smiling up at him.

"I have some things I need to attend to. I'll be at the Long Branch for quite a while. There's a redhead over there that I need to have a little talk with." He said as he headed out the door.

The two men watched he leave the Jail and then looked at each other and smiled. Kitty was in for a talking to.

Kitty sat at her vanity brushing her wet hair. She had bathed and washed her hair four times before she felt she had gotten all the sand and dust out of her hair. It was not late, but Kitty had gotten Sam to close the saloon early, she didn't want to be bothered with customers tonight. Matt still had a key to the front door and he used it that night. Sam had left one lamp on and it sat on the bar. Matt walked over to the low lit lamp and took it and walked up the stairs. He turned the knob to her door and found it unlocked. Matt entered the room, and found her sitting at the vanity brushing her hair. Kitty looked into the mirror and saw him watching her. She got up and turned towards him and she walked over to him.

"Matt," He gently laid his finger against her lips. Then traced down her chin, down her throat and between her breast. He gently used his pointer to push the robe aside, uncovering one well turned breast. He allowed his pointer to circle the erect nipple and listened to her breathing as she gasped lightly. Using the same finger, he uncovered the other breast and she watched, anticipating what was to come. As he circled the nipple, he leaned down, to gently take the sweet jewel into his mouth. Kitty moaned as his mouth worked her nipple and his hand worked the other breast. His hand slid down from her breast, over her belly, down to the juncture between her thighs. Kitty cried out as he caressed her woman's jewel. There was no going back, he was going to have his way with her, whether she wanted it or not, but truth be told, she wanted it, she wanted him. Matt lifted her up, carried her over to the bed and laid her down. Kissing her lips, her throat, working his way down her body, until his mouth replaced his hand and he tortured her body until he had his fill. He watched as she writhed beneath his mouth, her head thrown back, her breast pushed forward, and she cried out as he made love to her. Matt moved up over her and gently slid into her warmth, moaning as he did so. Their joining was hard and fast, it had been almost two months since they had made love and Matt was in desperate need for a release. Kitty felt the muscles in her belly tightening, and pulled her knees up as she cried out with her release. Matt could feel her inner walls grasping at his hardness and he began to move with urgency. Soon he found his own release, and collapsed on top of her. Kitty wrapped her arms and her legs around him and welcomed his release. No words were spoken as he gently began to kiss her face and lips, then turned so that they were on their sides. Matt pulled her to his chest, and slowly the two of them fell into a deep sleep.

**TBC**

**Hope this will hold you over for a few days. KR**


	14. Your Touch, Your Kiss, That Warm Embrace

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 14**

Thank you to everyone who is staying with this story. I am hoping it is to your liking, though my muse seems to be taking me for a run for my money. I have no idea at this time, where I am headed with this. I can tell you this much, this chapter was absolutely gratuitous sex chapter. They needed to get a little steam off, as one might say, and I needed to write it. Enjoy! Yes, this is just sex, well, not just sex for Matt and Kitty, it's more like makeup sex. Okay, okay, it's sex. I do apologize, really I do, but I just couldn't help myself.

KR

**Your Touch, Your Kiss, That Warm Embrace**

It had been entirely too long for the two lovers. Kitty gasped as Matt's hips moved against her derriere. He was so strong, and the muscles in his legs tightened with each thrust he made into her warmth. They had gotten a couple of hours sleep, before she woke to the feel of him behind her as she lay on her side. He pulled her onto her belly then onto her knees as she began to wake to his hardness thrusting into her. Kitty pressed herself back towards him as he moved into her. She felt her muscles clenching around him once again and cried out into her pillow as she found her release. But once again, he was still hard inside of her. She gasped as he continued to push her to the edge again.

"Oooh, Matt, pleeeease!" She begged him.

"Please what?" He said as he thrust harder into her. "Tell me what you want, Kitty!" He grounded out.

"Oh, please….please! Matttttt!" She cried as he finally reached around her and gently massaged the bundle of nerves. Once again, it was her undoing and she cried out into her pillow, this time he quickly followed her. He then pulled her up, and gently massaged her breast as his mouth tasted her skin. First her shoulder, then her neck and Kitty leaned back and her mouth covered his. He continued to move against her, allowing every drop of his seed to seep into her waiting warmth. He hadn't once pulled from her, allowing his seed to spill on the sheets or on her thighs, he wanted to complete them, to make love to her now and worry about the consequences later. Kitty for her part loved the feeling of his release inside of her. She would sacrifice anything to be able to love him like this always. Matt gently guided her back down on the bed on her side. He was still embedded deep within her and she loved the feel of him there. She often felt as though she had lost something, the moment he would pull from himself free of her body. But he wasn't letting go of her and he kept her body tight against his as he lovingly caresses her.

"Get some rest, Kitty, I'm not through with you yet." He growled into her ear. She gasped at the intensity of his words. Swallowing hard, she wondered what he meant by that. He was probably planning on having a long talk with her about leaving Dodge or about wearing that dress. Closing her eyes, she began to fall off to sleep.

A few hours later, she woke to the feel of his mouth on her throat, moving down her chest, stopping to pay loving attention to each breast before continuing down her belly, where his tongue dipped into her belly button. He then continued further. His mouth caressed her hip then moved over the soft skin of her inner thigh, down towards her knee, over her shin, to her ankle and kissing the pad of her foot before working his way up the opposite leg. He kissed her hip then moved to the center where he came face to face with his favorite thing. Kissing her above the thatch of dark red hair, he moved back up her belly and between her breast until he was staring into a pair of the bluest eyes he had ever seen. Just for him, they had darkened with desire. Kitty did not play the part of an inactive lover. She pushed on Matt's upper body, and pushed him onto his side. Kitty smiled as she began kissing her way down his body, observing the same areas he had on his way down her body and then back up the opposite leg as he had done. She stopped at his slightly hardened instrument and gently touched it, examining the contrast in the steely hardness that felt like silk in her hands. Tenderly she kissed the underside of him and gave each mound a quick lick before moving to the very top. He watched as her tongue snaked out to swirl around the swollen bud, then her mouth covered it, and moved down the hard shaft. Matt watched in fascination as she tasted every long thick inch of him until he was so hard, he wanted to grab her and force the issue right then and there, but he would not deprive her of her own pleasure, and he knew that she enjoyed this part a great deal. He watched as she moved over him, straddling him and torturously slow, impaled herself on him. Both of them moaned as he moved completely into her. Keeping her body tight against his, she leaned down and kissed Matt, the tips of her breast brushing against his chest. Sitting back up, she began to move against him, lifting her body slightly, than coming back down as she swiveled her hips, causing both of them excruciating pleasure. Kitty loved the feel of his steel within her and she moved faster with each thrust. Matt met her thrust for thrust, pushing his hips hard up against her, causing her to squeak in pleasure each time. Finally, he could take no more. Matt flipped them over so that he was once again on top and in control. His hips pounded fiercely into her waiting warmth and he held her hands at either side of her head which meant she was unable to touch him as she so badly wanted to. Both of them cried out through gritted teeth as they reached their release together. Matt collapsed on top of Kitty and released her hands. She gently caressed his sweaty body. "I think we need a bath cowboy, then maybe change these sheets."

He was incoherent, the best he could do was groan a yes to her. It took her half an hour to get the big man off of her and into the tub with her. They stood there and she took the sponge and began to wash the sweat from his body. He had his back to her as she ran the sponge over his strong shoulders, down his back to his tapered waist. Over his hips, and down his thighs and calves. She bit her lip as she moved back up with the sponge over his derriere. Her hand itched to caress the firm cheeks, but she continued to bathe him. "Turn around, Matt." She said and he did as she told him to. She then began to wash his chest, his stomach, down his hips and thighs once again. Moving up, she dipped the sponge into the water again and gently began to wash his instrument. She smiled as it twitched due to her touch. She leaned forward and pressed her warm lips to his chest. Matt gently took her by the upper arms and pulled her up for a long sensuous kiss. Taking the sponge from her, he began to bathe her. Kitty pulled her hair together in her hands and pulled it up, pulling her breast up firmer and stopping him in his tracks. Matt dropped the sponge and leaned down to take a perky nipple into his mouth. He moved from one breast to the other then lifted her up into his arms and pulled her legs to wrap around his hips as he allowed her to slide down his body and slowly joined with her. Kitty moaned as his hands grasped her derriere and began to move her up and down on his hard member. She held onto his neck tightly as he bounced her up and down. The waves of pleasure rushed through her body as he continued his journey. Kitty bit his neck, his chin, then nibbled his lower lip as he pressed deeper into her. Kitty tightened her legs around his hips as he moved her faster, up and down on his hard member. "Oh, Matt, please….again." She cried as she felt her lower body tightening for release. Gasping deeply as her release overcame her once again. She held on as he continued to move her on his member desperate to reach his release. Shoving his face into her chest, he cried out as he released his seed deep within her.

Matt gently pulled her lips to his. He kissed her deeply then let her down. They washed themselves off once again, then headed back into the bedroom, where they found a tray of food sitting on the nightstand by the door. Kitty smiled, knowing that Sam must have brought them the tray. The saloon was closed for two days, but somehow, they always seemed to have a tray of food waiting for them. They sat on the bed and ate a little food and when they were full, they placed the tray on the table and laid down, then fell into a warm comfortable sleep as they held each other.

The following morning Kitty awoke to an empty bed. As she looked over to where Matt had laid only a few hours before. Laying back down on the bed she realized that she had lost the battle. She had given in to him and now there would be no turning back. There was no use in crying over spilt milk she thought to herself. Getting up, from the bed, she padded over to the vanity and placed her robe on. Sitting down on the stool she began to brush her hair, as she looked into the mirror, she noticed that there was something sitting on the nightstand next to her bed. Getting up, she walked over and picked up the daisy and smiled. She then picked up the note that had her name 'Kathleen' written on it. Opening the note, she found an invitation to a picnic at noon. Kitty smiled as she went over to her vanity and began with her hair and face. When she was done, she went over to her dressing closet and picked out a dress for the picnic. She picked out her favorite dress, a pale blue dress Matt had bought her on his trip to Hayes two years ago. It was a birthday gift from him, along with a gold heart shaped locket. She smiled to herself as she dressed and made herself ready for this picnic. She pulled her hair up, allowing some ringlets to caress her face. She wanted everything to be perfect for their picnic. It had been a long time since they had been able to go on a picnic. She was hoping that there would be no interruptions and that they would be able to eat and relax for a little while. The Saloon would be opened today for the first time in three days. She found her bonnet and placed it on her head. Then headed out the door for the saloon. It was only half past eleven when she emerged, so there were only a few people in the saloon as she walked down the stairs.

Sam looked up at her as she came down the stairs and he smiled. She always looked beautiful, but today she looked exceptionally beautiful. She headed over to the bar. "Good Morning, Miss Kitty, might I say, you look beautiful." He said as he set up a cup and saucer and began to pour her a cup of hot coffee.

"Thank you, Sam." She started to lift her cup to her lips, when she saw Sam looking over at the door smiling. Kitty turned to see Quint standing there dressed in his church clothes. Kitty smiled. "Quint, what are you doing?"

"Kitty, I have a buggy waiting to drive you to your picnic with Matt." He said smiling at her. Kitty walked over to him and looked out the door, where she saw the buggy from Moss Grimmick's.

"I didn't realize this was going to be such a formal picnic, maybe I should change?" She said looking at the buggy.

"Kitty, I don't think you could get any more beautiful than you already are." He said smiling at her.

**TBC**


	15. I Always Find My Way Back To You

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 15**

As always, my roads are forever changing. What I thought was going to happen, didn't and I moved in another direction. I do apologize but I am hoping that this path will be a fun and bumpy road. Stay tuned for the ride. This is for all the hopeless romantics out there. I hope that this is not too boring for most folks. I know that this is not like my last story filled with adventure But I am hoping it will be sufficient.

KR

**I Always Find My Way Back To You.**

Quint took Kitty's arm and escorted her over to the buggy. Gently he took her arm and helped her up into the carriage. Kitty smiled as he climbed in beside her, taking the reins and heading for Christmas Grove. They chatted along the way about the weather and anything that came their way. When they arrived, Kitty saw Matt standing there in his Sunday best and she knew that if was going to be a special picnic. Quint gently took her by the waist and helped her down. Kitty smiled as she straightened out her skirt then looked up at Matt. As she approached, she noticed Doc and Festus in their Sunday clothes standing to the right and Tilda Lynne and Ma Smalley to the left. Ma Smalley had a small bouquet of violets in her hand.

"Matt? What's this all about?" She asked looking at him. Matt smiled and stepped aside.

"Kathleen Russell, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" He saw the shock in her eyes, and then the tear slid from her eye and down her cheek. Matt gently cupped her face in his big hands and gently kissed her on the lips. "Don't cry, Kitty." He said kissing her nose. "I know what I need and I need you." He gently slid a curl behind her ear. "I love you, Kitty, and I don't want to be without you anymore. So, what do you say, how about making this man a very happy man?" He said taking her arm and leading her over to the Reverend Lewis.

"Yes." She said, it came out as a whisper that only he could hear. Matt smiled as he took her hand and lead her over to the Reverend Lewis. Tilda gently took her arm and smiled at her.

"You know that Matt has never had eyes for any other woman since you came to Dodge, he and I are just old friends, nothing more." She said and Kitty hugged her.

"Thank you." She said quietly to her. Then she continued to head towards the Reverend with Matt by her side. Most of the ceremony was pretty much a blur to her, she wasn't sure if it was real or if she were dreaming, but she held her breath through most of the ceremony.

Matt held tightly to her hand. He was trying to catch his breath. She was beautiful, more beautiful than the day they had met. When she looked up at him with those dark blue eyes, his heart skipped a beat and all he wanted to do was to take her back to her room at the Long Branch and make love to her, hold her and never let her go. He also felt a lump in his throat, fear was something new to him, one of those things he had been trying so hard to get used to. He feared for her safety everyday, since the day they met. Now she would definitely be his and his alone and everyone would know about it. Listening to the Reverend read their vows and repeated his part as he slid the thin gold band on her finger.

"This is really happening." She said in a soft whisper as she said 'I do.' And she felt a lump in her throat as she looked into the eyes of a man she loved more than her own life.

"With the power invested in me by God, The Almighty, I now pronounce you man and wife." Reverend Lewis said.

"Yeeeeehaaaa!" Doc yelled from the sideline and it even surprised Festus, who looked at him, as though he were crazy. "It's about time, you settled down, Matt." Doc said shaking Matt's hand, then stepped past him to grab Kitty up and hugged her tightly. "Congratulations Little girl." Doc said kissing her on the cheek. Festus, Quint and the others joined in to wish the couple luck. After a small celebration by the chosen few, the newly wedded couple climbed into the buggy and Matt headed off with his bride to a nice sized ranch right outside of Dodge. The Ranch once belonged to Jake and Mirna Mitchell who had bought a smaller ranch because their daughter had married a man from Wyoming and had moved there with him. They had no other children and no need for a large ranch.

"Matt, why are we here at the Mitchell's homestead?" She said noticing the light inside.

"Jake and Mirna sold me the homestead a week ago. Since they moved to the old Tompkins' place, they have no need for this place. Susie and her new husband decided to move to Wyoming, so they didn't need all this room." He watched as she looked at house confused.

"I know I should have talked it over with you, but I wanted it to be a surprise."

"It's wonderful, Matt, but don't you think it's a bit…well, it's big." She said as he helped her down out of the buggy.

"Well, yes, but it's ours and that's the most important thing." He said as he pulled her towards him and let her slide down his body as he set her on her feet. Kitty smiled up at the big man and gently pulled his face to hers for a loving kiss. He then gently lifted her into his arms as he made the last few steps to the house then carried her over the threshold. Setting her down on her feet, she looked around as he watched her. The house was furnished and brightly lit.

She looked around. "Matt what are we going to do with all this space?" She said looking at the spacious room.

Gently placing his hand on her flat belly, he smiled. "Fill it with babies." He said swooping her up and carrying her to the bedroom. "I want to get started on that idea right now." He said as he dropped her on the huge bed and quickly lay on top of her. "We have three days and I want to work with you on filling this house with babies."

"I'm glad to hear that, because I don't think it would be possible if I tried to do this family thing by myself." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Are you sure about this, Matt? You really want this, because if you don't, I don't want you to regret this one day and be unhappy with me." Matt saw the fear in her eyes and he understood it, because he had felt the same fear as she was feeling now.

"I've thought long and hard on this, Kitty, and what made me finally come to a decision was having you abducted and held for ransom. When Shay said he was taking you with him, my heart jumped into my throat. I was terrified that I was going to lose you." He said as he began to unbutton her blouse. He dipped his head and placed a kiss on the pale skin he had bared and continued to move down her breast, over her corset and down her belly which was covered as well. "I want you to carry my child if you still want to." He said kissing her belly and then looking up at her. She smiled as he moved back up her body and kissed her and gently began to make love to her.

**TBC**

My muse is such a little witch. She's driving me crazy with these stories. I hope she is not driving you too crazy.

KR


	16. Chapter 16

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 16**

Okay, I have to apologize for taking so long to post my next chapter. My little muse, my Parakeet, Lady Liberty, died and I am finding it hard to deal with it. I know it sounds pathetic

But she was my best bud for the past nine years. She loved John Wayne movies, and listening to Celine Dion and Andre Bocceli. And now she is gone. I hope that this chapter is enough to sustain you for a bit.

KR

**Life in Dodge is about to Change**

Kitty woke with a start. The pain ripped through her body. Doc gently took her hand and smiled at her. "Well, you're almost there, Kitty. I want you to push, we're gonna have this little one join us in no time." Doc said wiping the sweat from Kitty's forehead. She looked down to see that Ma Smalley was coming into the room with a basin of hot water. She gasped as another wave hit her and she pushed until she heard doc tell her to hold on as he gently guided the shoulders out and then the rest of the baby came out. Doc placed the baby on the towel that Ma held and cut the cord. Ma took the little one over to the basin and Doc quickly tended to Kitty while Ma took the baby and cleared its airways.

"Doc, is the baby alright?" She said weakly.

"He's fine, Ma's just bathing him and once she's done, she'll hand him over to you so you can count his toes, and fingers." He said smiling up at her as he continued to clean her up.

Within a few minutes, Kitty sat there, with her son laying against her breast. As she looked up, Matt came into the door. She could see the fear and anticipation in his eyes. She smiled at him. "Matt, come in and meet your son." She said gently pulling back the blanket as Matt came over to her and sat on the edge of the bed. Doc and Ma smiled at the couple and quietly left the room. "Mathew James Dillon, meet Adam James Dillon."

As she watched Matt take his son into his arms she began to remember the last two years of marriage and the things they had endured. Matt looked up.

"Are you alright, Kitty?" He asked her as she touched her forehead.

"I'm fine. I'm tired, but I'm fine." The baby began to fuss. "I think he's hungry already." She said as Matt handed her the baby and she opened her nightgown to nurse her son.

***************************************************

Matt had the day off. He was staying home to help his wife. Kitty sat on the front porch cutting green beans and getting things ready for dinner. Adam came running out of the house buck naked. Matt came running after his three year old son. Kitty watched as her toe-headed son ran from his pa. She laughed as the two ran around the yard, knowing full well that Matt could catch his child in less than one stride, but he allowed his son to run naked and free in the front yard, pretending to be unable to catch him. Kitty stood up to watch the two play. Her hand caressed her gravid belly. She was expecting number two and she was enjoying her life. But there was always a slight sadness in her eyes. She was terrified of waking up and finding it all to be a dream. Suddenly she felt a pain rip through her lower belly. The baby wasn't due for another month and she had been having slight pains all day. Doc and Festus were due there for dinner any moment. Kitty dropped the bowl of green beans and cried out for Matt. "Matt!" Both Matt and his three year old son stopped in their tracks. Matt wrapped Adam in the towel and quickly rushed up to her as Tilda came out of the house. Matt handed Adam to Tilda and he very gently lifted his wife into his arms and carried her to their bedroom. This labor was harder than the first time, and she was hurting. Restlessly she tried to push and cried out in pain. Doc and Tilda were going back and forth for fresh water and towels. Matt was pacing the floor as he heard his wife moaning in pain in the other room.

"Okay, Kitty, one more push and we should have this baby here." He said gently wiping the sweat from her brow. Kitty breathed in deeply several times then prepared herself for another push. She pushed hard, gritting her teeth and thrusting her head back. "Kitty, Kitty, wake up. Honey and greet your little girl."

Kitty slowly opened her eyes to Doc leaning down, handing her the baby. "You've got a few people out there that would like very much to see you and your little girl." He said looking at her.

"Oh, that's right." She said sitting up a little bit and holding her baby to her breast. Doc opened the door and Matt and Adam and the twins entered the room. The twins, Mattie and Rusty were now five years old and Adam was now eight. Kitty smiled as all four of her boys gathered around. "Hey guys, I want you to meet your little sister." She said as she lifted her slightly for them to see.

"She sure is tiny, Ma!" Adam said looking at her.

Little Rusty looked up at his Pa. "She sher is pink, Papa." He blurted out and looked confused as the adults in the room laughed.

"Don't worry, Rusty, she'll grow out of it, I promise." Doc said as he patted the young boy on the back of the head. "Okay, you youngins', I'm sure that Uncle Festus has got dinner burning so we better get out there and see if there's anything we can salvage." He said and the boys followed their grandfather into the other room. Matt sat down and gently pulled the blanket back to look at his now nursing daughter.

"I know this sounds odd, but that is the most beautiful sight these old eyes have held in some time." He said watching the baby suckle her mother's breast.

"I thought I was the most beautiful sight in your eyes." She said smiling up at her husband.

"You are, Kitty, you are." He said kissing her on the lips before leaning down and kissing his baby girl on the forehead.

"You know, I named our sons, and your daughter is your responsibility to name." She said looking into his big blue eyes.

"I know and I've already got the perfect name. Kathleen Elizabeth Dillon, meet Kathleen Elizabeth Dillon, but you can call her Kadie." He said kissing his daughter on the forehead again. Then he kissed Kitty on the mouth. "I love you, Kitty."

"I love you too, Cowboy." She said as she gently caressed the side of his face. Looking down at her daughter, she smiled, her life was complete now, she had her boys and now a little girl. And she was little, much smaller than her brothers were the day they were born. This birth had been much easier than the twins.

The next few weeks past by quietly. Doc had ordered Kitty to stay off her feet for at least three weeks, and Ma had been at the Dillon Ranch everyday to help take care of the boys and make the meals.

Kadie was growing bigger and stronger every day. And the boys were growing like weeds as well. On Kadie's first birthday, her father was in Fort Dodge returning an escaped prisoner. On her second birthday he had just come home the day before her birthday, in time to celebrate with his wife and family then the day after her birthday, he was back on the road after another outlaw. On her third birthday, he had been home as well, then left to bring in Jude Bonner and his dog soldiers. When Kitty got word of Virgil's capture, she packed up the kids and took them over to Beth and Will Ronniger's house where they would be safe. Will and his boys would keep them safe. She knew that they would be coming to town looking for Dillon or his family and she had no choice but to go to town and wait. She was scared to death, but she wasn't about to allow anyone to get a hold of her babies. She also knew that Matt would die if anything happened to her or the babies, but if it were just her, he would have to be alright for the babies.

Stepping out of her room upstairs, she listened to Jude Bonner threatening Burke and Sam and she wasn't about to let him slit the old man's throat. She couldn't believe that she was doing this, that she was giving herself up again for these men, but this time she was doing it for her children. Kitty could hear herself talking to him and the words coming out of her mouth, but she felt as though she weren't even there, she had no control over what was happening. Bonner looked down at the tiny redhead and he saw defiance in her eyes and a spirit that he couldn't wait to break.

Two days in Jude Bonner's clutches and she was feeling the anxiety of knowing what was to come. He had threatened her that he would dirty his hand with her, but she knew differently. He had been the first one to touch her the last time they were here. She sat tied to the post listening to his ranting and raving and quite aware of his eyes as they moved over her body. They had made her quite uncomfortable. There was something different about the way he looked at her this time. She could see lust in his eyes, and she didn't know why. Suddenly he stopped talking and she saw him staring at her. Jude took the jug of whiskey and took a long sip, swishing it around in his mouth and then swallowed it. Jude stood up and glared at Kitty. She was beautiful, he had to admit that, but only to himself. He couldn't believe how very blue her eyes were. He had never seen such blue except in the summer sky. He moved closer to her and sat down on the edge of the cot. His had touched her knee and she held her breath.

"Do all white women wear so many clothes?" He said looking under her skirts and petticoats. Kitty kicked at him and he got up, and held his knife to her throat. He then reached behind her as he straddled her and she pulled her hand from behind her and got up, shoved him and tried to climb off of the bed, he grabbed her at the waist. She fell to the ground, and tried to get up, but he pulled her down under him. "You are beautiful! That Marshal sure would be lost without you, Reds." He rips the black vest opened, leaving her wearing the yellow blouse. He then ripped the ruffled collar off. "Tell me what he's likes, Reds."

"Go to hell!" She yelled at him. He smiled then ripped her blouse opened down the front to reveal her bustier.

"Of course a lady would always wear white." He said looking at the white lacy bustier.

"And you said you wouldn't touch me. I guess you lied." He suddenly slammed his hand over her mouth.

"If you ever talk back to me like that again, I'll cut your tongue out." He said angrily. Getting up, he pulled her up onto her feet. "I wanna see what it is that keeps your Marshal coming back!" He said as he began to undress her, but not without her fighting him all the way.

A few hours later she lay on her belly, naked on the cot. She was crying, and badly bruised. It was different this time. He had brutally violated her several times. Jude sat on the side of the cot putting on his boots. Looking over at her naked body, he slid his hands down her naked back, over her hips, and her bare derriere. He got up and knelt on the bed, using his one hand, he untied his britches and climbed on top of her, pushing her thighs apart as he took her from behind. She could only whimper, barely able to cry anymore. He had repeatedly abused her during the last four days she had been his captive. Things were different last time she had been in his clutches, he had sold her to his men then abused her. "Does your lawman do you this good, Reds?" He growled in her ear.

"You're an animal!" She gasped out as he laughed at her.

"You'll find out soon enough how much of an animal I am when I'm through with you, Reds." He said pumping his hips harder and faster against hers. Kitty cried as he became more violent with her.

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 17

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 17**

There isn't much new, and I'm beginning to doubt my work here. I'm going to try and do my best to keep it interesting. For some reason, I'm losing my grip on this damn story and that is making me crazy. If I could get a hold of that slippery little winged sprite that I call my muse, I would tar and feather her.

Also, I've been having problems with my internet once again. I am not hooked up to wireless and my new laptop only has wireless. So it may be quite a while before I post again. I am at a friend's house using their wireless to post so I am posting five chapters or more in one sitting. I am hoping not to be away for too long of a time. I will try to post soon. But enjoy these next five chapters.

KR

**I'll Find My Way Back To You**

Jude Bonner had kept his word, he had proven to be quite the beast. Kitty now lay on the ground naked. The men gathered around, drawing lots to see who was next. There were five men left out of his twenty men. Kitty was barely conscious. Her body felt as though it were on fire and she prayed that one of them would put a bullet in her head. K'Lingy finally drew his lot. He smiled down at the woman on the ground who lay on her side. Though her body was bruised and battered, and she had been used, she was still a looker and he still wanted a piece of her. K'Lingy began to remove his shirt. Then be reached to undo his britches. A shot rang out. K'Lingy stopped, then fell to his knees and then his body fell limply over Kitty who could only moan in pain. Her body ached from head to toe. She waited for the pain to start again, but it didn't come. She then felt him moving awkwardly off of her. She could hear shots being fired, but she didn't care, she only hoped that whoever it was, would take pity on her and kill her. She felt the warmth of something covering her exposed body. Gentle yet strong hands were lifting her limp form from the ground. Her head lay against a hard chest and she smelled sage, and hay, and a scent that she recognized as that of her husband. She smiled weakly as she lay her head back on his chest. Knowing full well she was safe. If she were dying than she would die in his arms. Matt gently carried her over to the tent for privacy, with Doc following closely behind him. Festus, Newly, Thad, Sam and Burke came out from behind their hiding places and gathered up the men that were alive, towards the center of the camp. Jude Bonner was still alive, though wounded, he was able to crawl towards the others. Twelve of his men had been killed. Looking around, he realized so many of his men were now gone.

"Doc!" Matt yelled but Doc was right behind him.

"Right here, Matt." He said moving around him to get to Kitty. She was badly battered and he knew that she would have a long road to recovery. Doc leaned down and began to examine her, which was no easy job, as Matt was quite unwilling to let go of her hand. Doc had dealt with nervous husbands before, but this was more than nervousness, this was fear. Fear of losing something so precious.

When the others from the posse had arrived, Festus had gathered Newly, Thad, Sam and Burke and pulled them aside and spoke with them quietly. The four men agreed and swore to one another that they would not say a word of what they had seen when they entered camp. They knew what K'Lingy was about to do, and what they others had done, but they would never say another word to anyone, nor mention it among themselves.

Doc had cleaned Kitty up and gotten some clothing on her. "How soon can we get her back to Dodge?" Matt asked as he sat on the chair beside Kitty, still holding her hand.

"I don't want to move her just yet, Matt. She's been through hell and back, and I want her to have two days of healing before we travel back to Dodge. I'm gonna need a wagon, and all the blankets you can find to cushion it." Doc said to him.

"When we're ready to get underway, Doc, we can use these tents to cushion the wagon." Matt said not taking his eyes off of Kitty.

"That's a good idea." Doc said looking around. "I'm gonna go get Festus started on that." He looked at Matt who held Kitty's hand to his mouth. "Matt, she's gonna be just fine. She's a strong woman." He said gently touching Matt's shoulder. He then turned around and headed out of the tent.

Looking around, Doc saw that the rest of the posse had arrived and had the surviving Dog Soldiers on their knees with their hands behind their heads. One of the men was whining about his arm.

"Hey, Doc! Doc! I need tending to." Yelled LaFete as Doc looked at him. Newly, Festus and Thad and Sam also watched him as Doc walked over. "I been shot!" He said holding out his arm. Doc walked over to him and looked at his arm.

"You'll live unfortunately." Doc said walking away.

"Hey, Doc, ain't ya' gonna take care of it?" He asked as Doc walked away. The old Doc turned around and looked into his eyes.

"Maybe I'll look at it when we get to Dodge. It's a scratch, stop you're whining. I've got a woman in there who really needs my help." Doc started to walk away again.

"Might as well give it up, sawbones, that woman ain't gonna live." Bonner said. His men laughed at him and Festus suddenly struck him in the face with the butt of his rifle. He then shoved the end of the rifle into his opened mouth.

"You wanna go ahead and laugh, go on, you mangy mutt, and I'll let lose this here trigger and scatter your brains in the dirt." Festus said angrily, but no one was willing to stop Festus, most of them had hoped he would kill the bastard.

"Festus, he ain't worth the time or effort, let's leave him to the ropes." Doc said as he watched them. "I have something much more important than that. I'm gonna need yours and Thad's help." He said as he walked towards Thad.

"Sure thang, Doc, what can we do for you?" Festus said walking away from Bonner who slowly got back on his knees as Sam shoved him back towards the others.

Thad followed Doc and Festus over to the wagon. They started looking at the tents and decided on two smaller tents for the cushioning of the wagon. Festus and Thad made quick work of tearing down the tents, then they began to line the back of the wagon with the tents. Jude Bonner and his men watched as they worked on the wagon. They sat there on the ground watching, not saying a word.

Doc was back in the tent checking Kitty over. She began to move around and moan in pain as she did so. Doc gently wiped her forehead with a cool rag as

Matt sat there and held her hand trying to soothe her pain. "Matt," She whispered.

"I'm right here, Kitty. I'm right here." He said leaning closer to her.

"I'm sorry, Matt, please forgive. I messed up again. I shouldn't have let it go this far." She said as she moaned in pain. "I knew he would hurt me, I didn't leave Dodge." She said out of sorts and Matt began to wonder what was going on.

"She's got a fever and she's delirious." Doc said, knowing that she was talking about something she had told him about some time ago. She told him some of what had happened to her when Bonner had gotten his hands on her and everything she said was true. He was beginning to wonder about the world and life and fate.

"How long before we can move her, Doc?" Matt asked looking up at his old friend.

"I think it will be safe to move her in a day or two." He said sitting down beside them. She moved and groaned slightly then fell back into a light sleep. "I know one thing's for sure, I'm going to keep her sedated for the trip. It's going to be hard enough on her being injured as it is." He said gently touching Kitty's cheek.

Doc moved back, allowing Matt room to sit and wait. "You have to come back to me, Kitty. You have to find your way back to me." He gently kissed her hand. "I need you. I need you more than you'll ever know. I can't do it alone, Kitty. I can't live without you. I don't want to try." He said as he gazed at her unconscious form. Doc tried not to listen to him as he spoke softly to his wife. A single tear fell down the old man's cheek. He could hear every heart wrenching plea of the big man's. "Kadie, she's waiting for her mama to get home. She won't eat till Mama comes home and makes her some applesauce." He looks at her bruised cheek. "I wanted to kill him, Kitty, but I can't leave you alone to raise those babies, I wouldn't survive without you. You are my life, lady. You are my heart. I remember the first time I saw you. You just got off the stage, it was early in the afternoon, I was chasing Bobby Trent after he stole a handful of licorice from the mercantile. I ran smack dab into you and knocked you out." He chuckled remembering how mortified he was when he saw the tiny redhead lying on the ground unconscious. "I took you up to Doc's office and he took care of you, just like he always has. You woke with a start and jumped into my arms, you thought I was someone else, you knew. I felt lost, the moment you were in my arms. And I've been lost ever since." Gently he kissed her palm. "I love you, Kitty. Please come back to me." He held her hand tightly.

"Mmmmm." She moaned slightly as she slowly opened her eyes and looked over at Matt. Smiling gently, she then slowly closed her eyes again.

"Doc?" He said a little frightened.

"That's a good sign, Matt. It means she's fighting her way back to us." He said gently placing his hand on Matt's shoulder. "It shouldn't be too long, when she's a little stronger, then we'll head back to Dodge." He said moving back from him. Doc sat down on a chair in the corner of the tent and allowed Kitty and Matt their privacy. Matt held Kitty's hand in his beg hands. He gently kissed the back of her hand as he watched her sleep. The bruises on her throat and cheek made him sick to his stomach. Someone touched his woman like that and he wanted to kill every last one of them, but instead, he stayed by her side, till the morning light.

"Matt, why don't you go get some rest, I'll stay with her." Doc said as he gently touched Matt's shoulder. But to Doc's surprise, Matt had slid his boots off and climbed into the cot behind Kitty. Ever so gently he placed his arm around her as she moved slightly in her sleep, curling closer to his warmth and familiar scent. Doc wanted to protest fearing for her recovery, but he also knew in his heart, that Matt was the greatest medicine for her.

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 18

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 18**

**Miles To Go**

The ride back to Dodge was long and painful. Kitty had been coherent through some of the ride and in great pain, but she had dealt with it. Doc would sedate her when it became more painful for her. Entering Dodge, she was sedated, so she was not aware of being back in Dodge. Festus and Doc were in the wagon. Kitty lay in the back with the tent and blankets cushioning the ride and blankets covering her. Thad sat in the back with her, keeping an eye on her, while Doc road with Festus making sure he missed the holes or large rocks in order to keep her comfortable. They pulled the wagon up near Doc's and Thad gently uncovered Kitty as Doc kept an eye on him. "Real gentle, Thad don't jossle her too much." He said as Thad gently began to pick her up. The posse took the prisoners to the jail with Newly and Sam riding in the front. Thad gently placed Kitty in Matt's arms and he headed for the stairs leading to Doc's office then up. Doc had gotten down and was right behind him. Ma Smalley had been in Doc's office checking things over. She heard the commotion and opened the door just as Matt made the top of the stairs. She quickly moved out of his way as Matt carried Kitty into Doc's office and carefully laid her on the bed. "Ma, I need warm water and disinfectant. I want to get her cleaned up more and get a better look at her injuries." He said as Ma headed over to the cabinet for the disinfectant and then handed him the bandages, she had just delivered to his office.

"I'll be right back with the water, Doc." She said heading out of the office. Matt stepped back and allowed Doc to work on Kitty. He carefully undressed her completely then examined her badly bruised body. As Ma came back with the water, he had just covered her from view. Doc gently touched her hand. He knew she would get through this. She had told him so herself.

*********************

It had been a long three weeks of recovering for Kitty. After a week, Doc had agreed to allow her to go home on one condition, she was not allowed to do anything, but rest and most of the time was to be spent in bed. No cooking, no cleaning, nothing. Matt agreed that Ma' Smalley would stay there during the day, keeping watch over Kitty and He would be there in the evenings. So for another two weeks at home, she did absolutely nothing. When Doc gave her the okay, she was able to start with a little work at a time.

Soon the weeks turned to months and Kitty had talked to Matt, telling him some of what had happened, but sparing him the horror of most of it. What she hadn't told him, she had told Doc. He still could not understand, if she knew what would happen to her, why would she hand herself over to them.

"I keep trying to understand it, but I don't. Why would you just hand yourself over to him knowing what he was about to do to you?" Doc asked her. She looked up at him confused, not sure why he did not understand.

"Doc, I don't expect you to understand. I'm not sure that I understand it, but I know, in my heart, if I change something, even the slightest thing, than it will end, and I'll be back there, burying him and I won't do that. I've already taken a big chance by marrying him." She looked at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "By doing that I may have already set my own doom in motion. I don't know what else I can tell you, I would die for him, for my children. I don't want to wake up and find out that this was a dream, I don't know what would happen if I did." She said looking at him. Doc sat down and gently took her hand in his and just sat there with her for a while.

He was desperate to understand what Kitty was going through. She had confided in him what had happened to her while in Jude's clutches. She had also told him of the alternate life she had lived until Matt had died. She had not married Matt in this other life and she had no children to comfort her after his death. He understood that she had suffered a great deal of pain both emotional and physical at the hands of lunatics and outlaws thirsting for revenge. But she would not tell him most of what was going to happen and that made him feel helpless.

He watched her as she slept. The years had been hard on her, but good too her as well with the children and all. But he knew that fate was walking a thin wire and perhaps things would end just the same on that day she spoke of, a day she had not yet revealed to him. There were bruises on her face and neck as well as on her body. She had endured a great deal of pain and as far as he knew, there was a great deal more to come her way.

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 19

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 19**

**I Close My Eyes And You are Gone**

Kitty woke with a start. She couldn't understand what had wakened her, but within moments, she realized she was back at the Long Branch. "Matt?" She said quietly, but there was no answer. Looking over at the window, she realized she was back at the Long Branch. This was getting to be too much for her. How much more was she supposed to take? Why was fate doing this to her? Getting up out of the bed, she headed for her washroom and got ready for the day ahead of her.

Walking down the stairs, she noticed the brightness in the saloon. She had never checked the time, but she knew it had to be about eight in the morning. Sam was taking the chairs off of the table tops and placing them on the floor. Then she saw the tall figure standing at the entrance of the Long Branch. She saw the look on his face and she knew that there was a problem. Kitty stood at the bottom step as Matt made his way over to her.

"We need to talk." He said looking into her dark blue eyes. Kitty looked over at Sam who continued to work. She then turned and Matt followed her up the stairs to her bedroom. Matt followed her into her room and closed the door behind him. Kitty watched as Matt sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down at the letter in his hand. His heart was breaking and he had no idea of how to tell her about this new development.

"Matt, you wanted to talk, so go ahead, what's wrong?" She said as her heart began to pound in her chest.

"I think maybe you should sit down and read this." He said handing her the envelope. Kitty took the envelope and walked over to her chair by the window. She looked at the writing on. It was addressed to Mathew J. Dillon, Dodge City, Kansas and it was fancy handwriting and she knew it was a woman's handwriting. Sitting down, she took a deep breath as she began to open it. She began to read the letter.

_Dear Matt,_

_I am finding it so hard to call you by your given name, now that you have your memory back, you have your life back. I wanted to tell you that I miss you. But I am sure that since you are back in Dodge, you are happy and well. _

_It has been almost eight years since you were here and there is so much that I have to tell you. Manuel is still with me. He has since married and Inez, his wife is expecting their fourth child. They will stay with me since the ranch is large and still needs tending to._

_I want to tell you about that night. I'm not quite sure if you remember coming to my room. But you were such a warm and giving lover. I knew that you were getting your memory back the moment you called out a name, a name that was not mine. I knew that you would be going home to her and giving her your love once again._

_That night will stay with me forever. And the results of that night will also be with me forever. You have a son, Matt. His name is Mathew James Dillon. I wanted him to have your name. He is beautiful. He has big blue eyes like his father and curly blonde hair like his mother. He is truly the image of the two of us combined. He is seven years old and as smart as a whip. _

Kitty gasped as she cried and stood up and looked away from Matt as she tried to catch her breath. This was too much for her to bear. "How?" She sat down again and tried to take a deep breath as she continued to read the letter.

_I know you are wondering why, after eight years I am just now telling you of your son. I wanted to keep Mattie from you only because I did not wish to cause your lady any pain, but things are not in my control. A few months back, we had a bad run of cholera in town. Twelve people died. Mattie and I both were terribly sick, but Inez and Manuel took good care of us. However, I am not completely well. My lungs have suffered much and Doc Peters said that they are getting worse. I haven't got much time, so I am sending Mattie to Dodge City when my time ends. Manuel will bring him to you. I know that this is a great deal to put on you and your lady, but I believe that Mattie should be with his father. He knows all about you and is looking forward to meeting his Pa. _

_I hope that Kitty will not mind it, but I have no family left. I don't wish to burden Manuel and Inez, and as I said before, he belongs with family. I am tired and will close this letter. Take care of yourself, Matt._

_Loving you, forever,_

_Mike_

"When?" Was all Kitty could get out.

Matt reached into his breast pocket for the telegram. "Mike died two days ago. Manuel and Mattie will be here in three days."

Kitty looked at him. He saw the hurt and betrayal she was feeling in her eyes. "How could you?"

"I'm sorry, Kitty." Was all he could say.

"I remember that trip, you came back with one hell of a head wound and you said you had lost your memory, but you never mentioned _Mike_." She said as she stood angrily and looked at him. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me about her?" She said a bit excited.

"I didn't think it was important." He said lamely.

"You didn't think it was important to tell me you slept with another woman, while you were supposed to be loyal to me. I thought we were supposed to be loyal to each other." She said angrily throwing the letter at him. Matt couldn't say anything as he watched her angrily storm out of the bedroom. He came to the door and watched her run down the stairs and rush past Sam to her office, making sure to lock the door behind her.

Matt knew that he would not be able to talk to her now, she was too angry to listen to reason. The only person who would be able to get through to her at all, could be Doc.

**TBC**


	20. Chapter 20

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 20**

**The Eye Of The Storm**

Doc sat in his chair reading the letter over and over again, not saying a word to Matt, but just trying to let the letter and its contents soak in. Breathing deeply, he carefully took his glasses off and leaned forward. "You showed this to Kitty?" He asked him.

"Yes." Matt said. He didn't feel a need to go into more detail than that.

"Did you at least explain things before you handed her this letter?" Doc asked him as he looked up scornfully at the big marshal.

"Well, no… I didn't." Matt said scratching his head.

"And you wonder why she is angry with you? Why she feels betrayed?" Doc stood up. "Of all the boneheaded things, Matt, are you truly that dense? Didn't you think that news like this would tear her apart?" He looked at him and shook his head. "I can't say I blame her for being so angry with you. You should have tried to soften the blow, Matt. As far as she's concerned you've just ripped her heart out."

"Doc, I know I hurt her. I'm sorry, but dammit, that little boy will be arriving in three days, I need to get her to accept it and to get on with our lives." Matt said impatiently.

"It may not be that easy, Matt. Look, I will try to talk to her, but I'm not making any promises." Doc said looking at the letter again.

Crying, she looked up at doc. "I gave my life to this man, Doc, twelve years of my life and he gave his to the badge." She said feeling angry. "Twelve years Doc and he goes and sleeps with another woman and gets her in the family way."

"Kitty, I know you're hurt….."

"No, Doc, you don't know, you have no idea what I'm feeling. I'm angry, I'm furious. How dare he sleep with that woman and give her the one thing he had denied me." She sits on the bed. "We have always been so careful not to bring a child into this. Careful not to get pregnant. Do you know how very much I've wanted to have his child. To carry his son inside of me and give him that, a son to carry on his name. And what does he do, he goes out and gets the first whore he sleeps with, pregnant." Doc was surprised at her anger. "I've been through hell and back because of him and he pays me back by poking some trollop. Damn him!" She said throwing the glass vase at the door. "He remembered everything about that woman and didn't say a word to me until he received the letter about his son. Mathew James Dillon Jr. He's seven years old and on his way here to come and live with his pa." She slips her shoe on and looks up at Doc. "And now he expects me to be completely fine with it, and to suddenly become Mama to _their_ son." She said as she stood up and walked over to the mirror. She looked at the dress she wore, in the mirror and decided to change. Going over to her closet, she opened it and looked at the dresses in the closet. Settling on the same dress she had worn playing poker that night that she made Matt jealous. It was an off the shoulder gown of deep blue and she knew that when she wore it, the men always noticed her. Stepping behind the screen she quickly stripped the other gown off and stepped into the other. Within a matter of minutes she stepped out from behind the screen. Doc's face turned pink. She was beautiful. He shook his head, as he realized just how much of the pretty redhead was visible. All the younger women wore such dresses, and he was not a bit surprised to realize that she would outshine the younger women by far.

"You need to calm down, Kitty."

"Calm down? Calm down? The man I've devoted the last twelve years to, goes off after some outlaw, gets shot and loses his memory, and finds himself some little piece then gets her pregnant, while I'm sitting here worried sick about him. You know what, you calm down, Doc! I need a stiff drink." She said storming out of her room and heading down the saloon. There was a stillness in the saloon, and she realized that they must have heard some of what she said. She didn't care. Her hair was pulled back from her face, but her long red locks hung down her back. She walked over to the bar and looked at Sam. "Sam, give me a shot of brandy, please." She tapped her fingers on the bar, as Sam poured her a shot and Doc came up to the bar behind her. He moved to her side and watched as she drank down the shot then shook her head for another one. He reluctantly poured her another drink and she swallowed it down.

"Kitty, you need to slow it down."

"Oh stow it, Curly. I'm a big girl and I know what I'm doing." She signaled to Sam for another drink and he poured it. This one she picked up and headed over to a poker game already in progress. "Gentlemen, do you have room for another player?" Kitty asked them as four heads turned up to looked at the stunning redhead. Four men quickly stood up and the man on the left pulled the chair out for her. Kitty gracefully sat herself down in the chair and the men began to talk and smile at the beautiful redhead. She knew all the men well. Tom Moorely sat to her left, and next to him was Jim Haskelle, Bill Haynes, Pete Rosco and Hank Avie all of whom had spent many hours at the Long Branch drinking and gambling and often flirting with the beautiful saloon owner. Now, here they were sitting with the Lady herself and they knew they were in for one helluva game. They had all watched her play and deal and not one of them could say she was cheating. Either she was playing it straight or she was quicker than lightning. This was going to be a good game. Mind you, each of them had set their mind to losing, knowing the cunning redhead, and not one of them would leave angry, just very happy to have had the chance to sit in on a game with Miss Kitty Russell.

As she dealt one last hand, she knew that the rumors would be flying around town and Matt would hear about her dealing once again in the Long Branch. 'To hell with the promise she made him. He made her a promise as well, but he didn't keep it.' She thought to herself as she dealt the cards. Besides she wasn't any of his concern any longer as far as she was concerned. What would he do, lock her up? Who cares anyway, she didn't give a damn what he thought any longer. She wasn't his concern.

It hadn't taken long for word to get to Matt that the redheaded owner of the Long Branch was playing poker once again. He made his way over to the Long Branch, knowing full well that it would be closing and pretty much empty. What he found was Kitty sitting at the table with the same five men he had been informed about, still playing poker and laughing and joking. Matt entered the Long Branch. Doc and Sam were at the Bar and they saw the look on the Marshal's face as he entered the room. Doc knew this was gonna be a big fight. She had refused to speak to him when she found out about Mike and her son. But she wasn't going to be able to avoid the issue this time. Tom Moorely was the first to see Matt Dillon enter the saloon.

"Umm, I think I bess be getting home, Caroline will have my head for being this late." He said grabbing his money and throwing on his hat. Kitty knew from the look on his face that the Big Marshal must have set foot in the saloon.

"Well then, Gentlemen I guess this means the game is over." Kitty said as she stood up and began to gather her winnings. As she turned around, Matt was but a few feet away from her. "Well, Marshal Dillon, to what do I owe the honor of this visit." She said pretending to be surprised by his appearance as she headed over to the bar. As the remaining players began to leave the saloon Sam headed over to the doors and closed them as the last of the patrons left. Doc decided to stay behind, to make sure that Matt didn't lose his temper.

"Kitty, you wanna tell me about what just happened here?" He asked her as she stepped behind the bar to put her winnings in the metal box where they kept the cash.

"Well, the usual, of course. Some drinking, some dancing, and a little poker." She said closing the box and placing it back under the counter.

"You promised me you wouldn't deal again." He said as she poured herself a whiskey.

"Promised? Well, let's talk about making and keeping promises shall we, Matt." She said walking around the counter to stand in front of him. "How about the one you made to me, twelve years ago, the first time we were together?" She said looking up at him. She spoke quietly so only he could hear her. "You remember, Matt, your body was still between my thighs, we had just made love for the first time. My first time, and you promised to love me and no other woman for as long as we were together. We were still together when you took up with that whore of yours." Her voice got a little lest quiet.

"Lower your voice, Kitty." He said looking at her harshly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you don't want Doc or Sam to hear about your little whore do you?"

"They already know about _my_ little whore!" He shot back at her and the moment it was out of his mouth, he knew it was the wrong thing to say.

"You're right, they already know about me. Mike isn't your whore. She was a real lady. I've seemed to have forgotten my place." She set her glass of untouched whiskey down on the counter. Looking up at Matt, he saw the tears falling down her cheek.

"Kitty," He started and reached out for her, but she stepped back out of his grasp.

"No, you're right, Matt. You deserve a good woman in your life, not some saloon whore. You have a son to carry on your name. I don't think you need some whore raising your child." She said turning and moving quickly up the stairs.

Doc walks over to him, but stopped before he opened his mouth. He saw the look in Matt's eyes and he just stared at him for a moment. "Where in the hell does she get the idea that I don't want her. Don't she know I wasn't in my right mind when I met Mike. I didn't know who I was let alone who Kitty was. When Mike and I were together, when I made love to her, I remember I called out a name, it wasn't Mike's. She told me so. What am I gonna do?" He asked Doc pleadingly.

"Don't leave her like this, Matt, go up there and talk to her." He said as he pulled out his pocket watch and checked the time. "I think I better head on home." He said as he headed out the door. Sam let Doc out then turned towards the Marshal.

"Marshal, I'm gonna go down in the cellar, I need to bring supplies up. I might be quite a while." He said hinting to him. Matt continued to stare up at Kitty's closed door. He then reached over without looking, for the glass of whiskey and swallowed it quickly for some temporary courage. Then he headed up the stairs to Kitty's door. He knew that it would be locked and she would not answer his knock. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the key which was connected to the chain on his watch. Unlocking the door, he entered the room to find her lying on the bed crying. Her back to the door.

"Kitty, we need to talk." He said closing the door behind him.

**TBC**


	21. Chapter 21

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 21**

**Talking is For Fools**

"Go away, Matt, I can't do this right now." She told him without looking at him.

"No, there are things you need to know about Mattie, and his Ma." He said sitting behind her on the bed and gently placing his hand on her hip. "I didn't even know who I was when I woke up in that bed. My head hurt, it was on fire. She saved my life. Yes, I went to her bed, yes, I was with her, but I never loved her. I only used her. Kitty, I never meant for a child to come of this, but Mattie does exist and there is nothing I can do about that." Kitty turned over onto her back and looked at Matt.

"Yes, a child exists, a child that you've denied me." She said sitting up and looking at him. "I've wanted to be the one to give you that child, Matt. She took that from me as did you." She said looking at him.

"I know that, I'm sorry, I wish you were Mattie's mother, there's nothing I can do to change that." He gently takes her hand in his and she stares at their joined hands. "If I could do it over again, and give you that child, I would." He said as his other hand touched her flat belly.

"You're just saying that because you want back into your whore's bed." She said as she angrily got off of the bed and walked over to her dresser. "Don't worry, Marshal," She said turning around to face him. She slowly began to unbutton her blouse as she moved towards him. "For the right price, I'll take care of whatever you need." She said in that seductive voice of hers. He watched as she pulled the shirt from the tucked in waistband of her skirt. The black bustier barely covering her breast. "Anything you want, Marshal. I'll be more than happy to take care of your needs." She said reaching up to unbutton his shirt.

"Do not devalue yourself." He said, angrily.

"It seems you've forgotten, Marhsall, you already have." She said making a sharp turn and heading back over to her vanity. Sitting down on the seat, she picked up her brush and began to pull the pins from her hair. "You said it yourself, Matt, Mike's wasn't a whore. So I wonder what you meant by that." She said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, Kitty, I never meant to say that, or hurt you. You know how I feel about you, I would never do anything to hurt you." He said pleading with her.

"So you never meant to sleep with Mike and give her the one thing you've denied me, a child? You never meant for that child to be born? You never meant to rip my heart out? So what is it, you never meant to do?" She said looking back at him.

Matt ran his hand through his short curly hair and sat down on her bed, full of frustration. "I never meant to have sex with Mike, because that is all it was, it was just a poke, it was nothing more, I swear. I wish to God that that little boy was yours and mine. I wish that you had given birth to him, but I can't change that. I would give you that child, Kitty, I will, if you want me to. It was your face I saw, it was your name I called, not Mikes." He said as he sat there with his hands in his lap. "Do you know that it was your face I saw, that brought me back to Matt Dillon."

"I don't know if that should make me feel better or angrier at you Matt. You have a child and I have nothing, absolutely nothing." She said turning to face him.

"You have my heart and soul. You have me. And I'm sorry if that isn't enough." He gets up and starts for the door.

"Matt?" He stops and lifts his head, looking at the door. Before he knew it, her arms were around him from behind. He gently laid his hands over her small hands and then turned in her embrace. His mouth was on hers hard and fast as he moved her hard against the nearest wall. He reached around her waist and lifted her up, shoving her skirts out of the way and ripping away any barriers, he heard her gasp as he moved hard and fast into her. It had been almost a year since they last made love, and she squeezed her eyes closed as she waited for her body to adjust to his size. Within a matter of minutes, she could feel his muscles tightening and knew he was close. "Don't leave me, Matt, please, I want this." She gasped out as he continued to move hard and fast into her. He kissed her, as he released himself deep within her. Kitty gasped at the feel of his heat being released within her. Matt held her tight against his body as he carried her over to her bed and laid her down. He looked deep into her eyes and smiled as he began to move deep within her once again.

They made love all night long. Bringing each other to completion each time. Kitty lay on her back. Matt lay on his belly on top of her. His cheek pressed against her naked breast. "I love you, Kitty." He said looking up at her, then moving up to look down into her eyes. "I know your face. I know every inch of your body. I know every freckle on your skin and I love you. You are the only woman who holds the key to my heart and soul."

"I love you, Matt. I'm sorry I started so much trouble with you in the saloon." She said as he lazily traced a circle on the top of her breast, then bent down and placed a loving kiss to the top swell of her breast.

"Shooo, woman, let me make love to you." He said gently kissing the to swell of her breast again. This time he allowed his tongue to snake out and leave a wet trail from one breast to the other.

"Matt, I'm not sure I can, I won't be able to walk for a week." She said smiling up at him.

"That is not a problem. I shall carry you my lady, wherever you wish to go." He said moving back up over her and gently moving into her once again. Kitty moaned as Matt began to move in and out of her. Kitty moved against his body and together they reached their goal.

Kitty lay on her side, with Matt right behind her, his arms wrapped around her and his face buried in the back of her neck. They slept like babies for the first time in a long time. At eight o'clock in the morning, Matt woke to an empty bed. He heard Kitty humming in her washroom. The door opened to her drying her hair as she walked naked back into her room. He smiles at her as she looked up from towel drying her hair. Kitty smiled at him as she moved over to the bed and sat on the edge holding her robe closed with her free hand. Matt watched as she let go of the robe and it slipped open slightly. Matt looked at the alabaster skin that was revealed and he gently reached inside the robe to gently grasp one soft globe. Kitty closed her eyes to his ministrations, and Matt smiled as he moved towards the luscious breast. His mouth latched onto the pure alabaster skin. "Hmmm, Matt." She moaned as he pulled her under him. His mouth leaving a wet trail down her breast and belly till he made his way down to the soft thatch of auburn hair. Kitty gasped as he began to torture her with his mouth and tongue. Within half an hour he had her crying and gasping with pleasure. He didn't allow her body time to recover from one orgasm to the next as he moved deep inside of her, and pulled her legs up around his waist. "Oh….oh God!" She cried as he began to take her over the precipice once again.

Before she knew it, her body gave way to an orgasm that torn into her and through her so hard and fast that she gasped long and deep. Matt smiled from his perch as he continued to torment her throbbing flesh. "Matttttttt!" She cried out flying once more over the precipice. Matt smiled as he leaned down and gently placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Kitty, with everything that I am." He said kissing her on the mouth one last time before they gave into sleep.

**TBC**


	22. Chapter 22

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 22**

Matt stood by the depot. He wore his Sunday best as did his new wife, Kitty. He fidgeted from one foot to the other. Kitty leaned against the wall, and smiled at him and his nervous fidgeting. "Matt, you need to calm down."

"What if he doesn't like me?" Matt said nervously.

"Matt, can you imagine a child of yours not loving you. He's going to love his pa. He's going to be so proud of his pa who's a big U.S. Marshal." Kitty moved closer to Matt and gently took his hand in hers. "He's going to love you, Matt." She said as she saw the stagecoach pulling around the corner and heading for the depot.

Matt watched as Manuelle got off of the coach and turned to help the little seven year old boy down. Kitty saw Matt's curly hair and his big blue eyes in the little boys face. He was the spitting image of his father. Her heart broke at the thought of how much she wanted him to be her baby. The little boy straightened his shirt and jacket as he stood there eyeing the big Marshal. He recognized his father from his mother's detailed descriptions. Manuelle gently took Mattie's hand and lead him over to the tall Marshal.

Kneeling down, Matt looked into a pair of deep blue eyes that reminded him of Kitty. "Hello, Mattie, I'm your Pa." Matt said as he gently took Mattie's extended hand.

"I know, Pa. Mama said you was a big man." He said shaking his hand. Matt looked back at Kitty and reached back to her. "This is Kitty, she's my wife."

"My Ma said she would be my new Mama. She said she was very pretty and had red hair and blue eyes like mine." He said as he looked up at Kitty. He shook his head no, as he knew she was asking if he had spoken to Mike about her. He didn't remember saying anything to her about Kitty. "You gonna be my new Ma? I'm Mattie." He said going over to her and looking up at the beautiful redhead.

"I guess so, I hope we can be good friends." She said as she knelt down to take his hand, but to her surprise the little boy stepped up to her and kissed her on the cheek.

Mattie then reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter that was in the delicate hand writing of his mother, but this one was addressed to Kitty Russell. He handed Kitty the letter and she looked at it and at Matt. The two stood up and Matt gently took his son's hand as did Kitty and the four of them, Matt, Kitty, Mattie and Manuelle headed to Del Monicos.

As the family entered the restaurant, many heads turned to get a look at Matt's son. Kitty smiled as she held onto Mattie's hand and Ricky came over to show them to a table. He placed the new family at a table in the corner of the restaurant where they could have a little privacy.

Kitty had placed the letter in her purse as they sat down to eat and chat.

Kitty sat at her vanity looking at the envelope in her hands. Matt came into their room through the door which joined Mattie's room to theirs. "Are you just gonna stare at the letter or are you gonna put me out of my misery and read it." He said as she looked back at him.

"I almost afraid to do so, Matt." She breathes deeply and slowly reaches into her drawer for a letter opener and carefully opens the letter.

_Dear Kitty,_

_I know that it is presumptuous of me to write this letter and expect you to even open it. By now, you know everything that happened between Matt and I. I would apologize for it, but I can not. Matt did not know who he was so he is completely blameless._

_Mattie is my precious boy. He is my life. And I am entrusting him to you. I came to Dodge shortly after Mattie was born. Matt was not in Dodge, he was in Cimmaron at the time. But I took a room at Ma Smalley's and I watched you for a week. I wanted to know what kind of woman you were before I confronted Matt about his child._

_As it turned out, you were very kind and considerate. I had bumped into you while in Doc's office, Mattie was a colicky baby and I had hoped he had something to calm him. You took Mattie from me as I was a light-headed from no sleep. You sat in the office holding Mattie for over three hours while I slept and you had no idea you were holding Matt's child. I didn't mean for that to happen but I am grateful for the time we had to sit and talk. You will make a wonderful mother for Mattie._

_I have told Mattie all about you and his Pa. I think I've gotten him to understand why his Pa and I are not together, but it's difficult trying to explain that to a seven year old boy who wants to go fishing like other boys do with their pas. But I tried. I never did learn how to bait a hook. Thank the Good Lord Manuelle was there for that part. (Kitty laughed lightly as she continued to read the letter.)_

_I truly believe you will be a wonderful mother for Mattie. He knows your heart. I know you know his as well. I know how it felt the first time I held him and he laid his head against my breast. I saw that same look in your eyes, as his little head lay against your breast. It was the look of longing that made me understand that I had no right to come between you and Matt. You will be a good mother, I know it. Just be patient with him and understand he's just a boy. Just like his Pa. (Again, Kitty chuckled at the letter.) I am truly sorry to have to put this on you and Matt, but I have no choice._

_Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart._

_Mike_

Kitty carefully folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope then into the drawer of her vanity; which told Matt he was never to read it because it was between Kitty and Mike. Matt watched as Kitty pulled her hair to the side and braided it then tied the end with string. She stood up and walked over to Matt who sat on the bed.

"You gonna tell me about the letter or not?" He said as he watched her sit on the edge of the bed.

"Not." She said leaning in to kiss him on the mouth. "I've got something else I want to tell you." She said taking his hand and placing it on her slightly rounded belly. "I'm pregnant, Matt. Mattie's going to have a little sister or brother in a few months." She said smiling at her husband's opened mouth. She gently reached up and using her pointer, pushed his chin up, so his mouth closed. She leaned forward as he kept his hand on her belly. Her mouth was warm against his and her tongue gently slipped out to caress his lips. Matt opened his mouth to her and pulled her tight against his chest.

"Is it safe, to…you know….?" He said as she felt his hand slipping inside her gown to caress her breast.

"I'm sure it's safe." She said as he continued to caress her warm breast. Kitty gently moved to straddle Matt's lap. She knew that he was naked beneath the blankets, he never liked to wear anything to sleep in. He kept his britches on the chair next to the bed. Kitty slid the blankets down, revealing his manhood. She moaned as he guided her onto his hardness. Matt pulled the gown opened revealing her breast to his hungry mouth. He slid it down over her shoulders and she pulled her arms free of the gown. He pulled her chest to him and his mouth devoured her. Kitty threw her head back as she began to move on his hard member. "Oooh." She moaned as she moved her lower body in a rhythm as old as time. It wasn't long before Matt was thrusting his hips upward urgently wanting to reach his goal and to bring her to hers as well.

Kitty gasped deeply as her body gave way to her own orgasm. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hid her face in his neck as he continued to pump his hips up and down. Matt's arms tightened around her waist as he thrust harder and deeper within her. Kitty gasped again as she felt her world exploding around her and Matt cried into her shoulder as he released his seed within her. He held onto her as he worked to slow his breathing. Kitty smiled as she felt his hand moving over her naked hips and then up her back to her shoulders where he pulled her backwards so her back was arched and his mouth tasted her warm breast, his tongue teased her nipple. He began to move deep within her once again. Kitty arched back, placing her hands on either side of his knees as she arched back deeply then raised herself on his member and lowered her body quickly until they were moving hard and fast against each other.

In this position she could feel him moving deeper into her and the angle, she knew very soon he would hit that spot that would send her reeling and there it was, his mouth on her belly, licking and lapping at the light sweat, his hips thrusting relentlessly and the room spun as she felt the walls shatter. Matt pulled her up and flipped them over so that she lay beneath him. His hands pinned hers to the mattress as he pumped harder and deeper into her. "Matt….I….I can't…oh Godddddddddddddddd!" She cried as she crashed over the abyss. When she awoke about an hour later, she lay on her back, Matt lay on his stomach, his face on one breast, his hand cupped the other breast and he was sound asleep. Kitty realized he was between her legs, his belly pressed against her private area. His heart was right on her belly and she smiled at the thought of their daughter listening to her father's heartbeat. Closing her eyes, she fell back to sleep.

**TBC**


	23. Chapter 23

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 23**

Dear Friends, I am sorry for many mistakes I have made and will make in this present chapter. For starters, I don't have a clue as how to spell Manuelle's name. I'm going to go with this current spelling. I'm sure it's not right, but I apologize. I also think I may have gone a little overboard on this chapter, You know what I mean, 'Let's talk about Sex Baby.' Yep, I went too far. Also, this may be it for a while as I am going home tomorrow and my vacation is over and the internet access is a pain in the, well you know what.

**The Fates are Cruel**

Several hours later when Kitty woke as the sun peaked through her window, she realized that Mattie lay with his face in Kitty's now covered breast. As she looked up, she saw Matt pulling his britches on. She looked at him with questioning eyes, and he shook his head yes. Mattie had tried to come into the room earlier, but Matt had asked him to wait, while he quickly pulled Kitty's gown on her. She never woke through his dressing her. Mattie snuggled closer to Kitty's breast and Kitty had to smile. "He's definitely your son, Matt." She said as Matt chuckled knowing full well what she was talking about. He sure did admire his son resting his head on one of the most delicious pillows God ever created.

Matt had no idea what he was getting into. A seven year old boy was quite a handful. He smiled at the thought of his son trying to do the things he did. Kitty would tell Mattie to wash up for dinner, finish his peas or do his chores, he would do as she told him, but with Matt, well, he like to make Matt work for his obedience. Kitty found this amusing. She took him fishing, and she had no problem baiting a hook and fishing with Mattie. She also had time to fish since she had Sam watching the saloon. When they had caught enough fish for dinner, they would leave the fish tied up and in the water till they finished lunch took a nap. Kitty leaned against the tree and Mattie laid with his head on her protruding belly and fall asleep for an hour or so. They would then head up to the house to clean and cook the fish. She had made sure that they caught extra fish, Matt usually had a big appetite, but Festus could usually put twice as much as Matt away. Doc and Festus would be joining them for dinner and she wanted to make sure that she had dinner ready for them. Mattie would help her clean the fish and bet them ready as she cooked potatoes and bread for them as well. Kitty smiled as Mattie cleaned the fish carefully. She was happy, truly happy and now they had another child on the way. She suddenly stopped at the thought of how happy she was and remembered that things changed when she was either at the high point in her life or a low point. She felt the baby move within, and she gently touched her belly. Mattie saw the sadness on her face. "Ma' are you alright?" He said looking up at her.

"Yes, I'm fine." She said looking at his bright eyes. "Your little sister is just letting me know she is there." She said taking his hand and placing it on her belly. "You feel that, that's her, moving around in there."

"She's in there? Why don't she come out?" He asked innocently.

"She will, when she's ready." She said as she continued to knead the dough. Matt stood at the door watching his family. He quietly walked up behind Kitty and slid his arms around her gravid belly. She smiled as he kissed her on the side of the cheek.

"Hello." He said as he looked down at his son.

"Hi, Pa, I'm helping Ma cook." He said as he turned back to the fish and continued to clean them.

"Mattie, why don't you go to the washroom and get cleaned up. Make sure you use that soap, boy, you smell like fish." Matt said as his son put the knife down and heads for the washroom.

Matt's hands slid over Kitty's belly and up to gently caress her warm breast. "Matt, Mattie is right in the other room." She said as he kissed her neck. She turned in his arms and his hands slid over her derriere as his mouth covered hers. "Doc and Festus will be here soon, Matt, we can't." She said feeling his growing hardness against the bottom of her belly. "Later, I promise." She said pulling his hands from her derriere.

(Sorry this one was so short but I hope you have enjoyed them so far.)

**TBC**


	24. Chapter 24

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 24**

Yes another chapter just in case I am unable to get my Laptop on line. I hope that you have not been put off by my previous chapters, and I promise we are close to the end.

I also hope I have not posted this chapter. I am quite rusty since I have not been on the net for a few months. Enjoy.

KR

**Along Came a Rat**

Kitty heard the knock at the door and she got up from her seat near the fire. She headed over to the door, she expected it to be Festus, who had promised to come out and stay with her until Matt got back. Opening the door, she saw the one man she had hoped would never be there. Jude Bonner stood there with K'Lingy and LaFete, all three figures quite menacing to her. Kitty stepped back away from him as he and the two men entered the Dillon house.

"Well well, what have we here?" Jude said as he stepped into the house and looked at the beautiful redhead. Mattie had heard the knock and thought it was his Uncle Festus as he came running out of his room.

"Mama is Uncle Festus here?" He said as he ran to her then stopped as he saw the strangers in the house. "Who are they?"

Jude kneels down to look at the boy as he clung to Kitty's skirt. "What's your name, boy?" Jude asked him. Mattie didn't say a word. Jude laughed at him as he stood up and came face to face with a pair of the deepest blue eyes he had ever seen. For a moment, he was stumped and didn't know what to say. "You're the Marshal's woman?" He asked her, but Kitty didn't say a word. She knew how this would go, but she was afraid for her unborn child and for Mattie. She didn't want anything to happen to them. "You don't talk much, do you Reds?" He said gently reaching up and touching her chin. Kitty slapped his hand away and he roughly grabbed her wrist.

"You leave my Mama alone!" Mattie said as his small fists beat on Jude's leg. Jude swatted at him hard and he fell against the couch, hitting his head.

"Mattie!" Kitty cried out as she rushed to his side. She gently turned him over and found blood on his forehead. "OH God, Mattie!" She said as she tried to look him over. Suddenly Jude grabbed her by the arm and pulled her from the boy. LaFete leaned down to check the boy out.

"He's dead!" He said looking up at Jude who could care less.

"Noooooo!" She cried as Jude held on to her arms. Jude swung her around and Kitty angrily swung at him, hitting him in the face. He grabbed her around the back then struck her hard in the face, knocking her out. Kitty fell limp in his arms and he leaned down and threw her over his shoulder. The men leave the cabin with Kitty in tow.

Matt and Festus Haggin arrive at the cabin to fine Mattie lying on the floor. When Matt realizes his son is dead, he gently lifts the small child in his arms and sits on the chair as he rocks him in his arms. It took Festus a good hour to get Matt to relinquish his son's body as Doc and Newly finally arrived at the Dillon ranch. Festus gently laid the boy on his bed in his room and found the little puppy Kitty had bought him earlier that week, lying on the floor dead. The little pups neck had been broken and Festus realized that someone had thrown the poor pup against the wall.

Doc entered Mattie's room and he knelt down beside the bed to check his grandson over. He shook his head in sadness as he realized there was nothing he could do for the boy. Newly stood by the door: watching Doc as he got to his feet and headed for the door. "There's nothing more I can do. It's too late." Doc said as tears slipped from her eyes.

Kitty sat in front of Jude Bonner on his dark horse. He had one arm tightly around her belly, to keep her in place. She was in pain from the brutal ride and he would not let her go. LaFete looked back to see that Matt Dillon and his posse were right behind them. He kicked his steed in the belly with his spurs to catch up with Jude.

"Jude, that posse is right behind us. At this rate, we'll be in jail 'for nightfall." He said trying to keep up with Jude. Suddenly Jude pulled back on the reins of his horse and turned to look down the steep slope. Less than ten minutes behind them, was Matt Dillon and more than a dozen men from Dodge.

"I know how to slow them down a bit." He said, than suddenly he grabbed Kitty by the side of the face and turned her to face him. Brutally he kisses her on the mouth, than viciously throws her from the horse. Kitty screamed as she fell to the ground then proceeded to tumble down the hill. LaFete was shocked, he did not expect it from Bonner. He also knew that the Marshal and his posse would only stop long enough to bury the woman and then they would once again be on their trail.

Matt gasped as he saw Kitty fall down the hill. He struck buck harder in the belly trying to make him move faster.

Kitty woke with a start. Her body hurt and she was in her bed at their ranch. "Mattie!" She cried out. Mattie and his father both came running into the room. Kitty saw the young man and recognized him as her own child not as Matt and Mike's child.

"I'm right here, Ma." Mattie said as he sat on the edge of the bed and Kitty gently wrapped the young man in her arms. She felt confused once again and cheated. Fate was playing with her mind and heart and she was not at all happy about it.

As she held her son in her arms, the other children came into the room and sat with them. Kitty made it a point to kiss each child on the forehead and touch each one's face. Matt felt as though she were trying to remember who they were, but she was trying to hold onto this reality. The idea of her mind flipping her back and forth scared the hell out of her, but if she could stay locked away in her mind, in this reality, then she would take it. She would rather live her life inside her head in some fantasy than face the cruel reality of it all.

"Alright, you youngins' you come on out of there and let you Ma rest a while." Doc said poking his head inside the door. Kitty smiled at Doc and then at Matt. Her children got up off of the bed, one by one. Kadie climbed into her mother's lap and looked into her mother's big blue eyes.

Kitty stared at her for a moment. It was hard to believe that she was five years old. She had dark blue eyes like her father, but her hair was a combination of the two. Dark auburn hair that had big curls hanging down her back.

"What is it, Kadie?" Kitty asked her daughter, but all she got was a big smile and a big hug. Kadie hugged her mother for what seemed like forever. Not wanting to let go of her. Kitty gently pulled her back and looked into her eyes, which now had tears streaming down her face. "Oh, baby, I promise you, Mama will never do that again." She said as her hands caressed Kadie's cheek.

"You promise?" She said as she looked at her mother, her eyes pleading with her.

Leaning forward, Kitty kissed away Kadie's tears. "I promise, Sweetpea."

"Come on, Sweetpea," Matt said gently lifting his daughter off of Kitty's lap. "You heard your grandpa, Mama needs to rest." He said setting her on her feet, but not before he kissed her on the cheek.

Matt waited for Kadie to leave and close the door behind her. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" He said a bit angry and terrified.

"What?" She said looking up at him, confused. "Matt, he wanted our babies, I couldn't let him hurt them." She began to cry and covered her face. Matt was quickly by her side. He pulled her tightly against his massive chest.

Taking her face in both his hands, he gently lifted her head so he could look into his favorite pair of blue eyes. "Kitty, I came too close to losing you. My heart felt as though it were being ripped from my chest. I have never felt such heaviness before." He kisses her on the forehead. "I can't live without you."

"I promise not to make you try to." She said as she pulled his mouth to hers. It was a gentle loving kiss, but hesitant. He knew that it would be sometime before they would be intimate again. But he would wait a lifetime for her; two lifetimes if God asked him to.

She clung to him, desperate to keep a hold of him. Desperate not to wake from this dream. It seemed like hours, but he lay beside her still holding her against his chest. The children had been put to bed by their older brother Adam, who also finished the chores, while his father lay beside the one woman he could never let go of. As he peeked into the room, looking at his father holding his mother, he smiled and thought to himself that one day, he would find a love like that. His parents were devoted to each other, and to their children and it was a love he enjoyed receiving from both parents.

**TBC**

Okay, so One more chapter will do it, but I'm not so sure I can finish it in the next chapter, but I sure will try.


	25. Chapter 25

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 25**

This is yet another chapter of my story. This should be coming to a close soon.

**In Love With An Angel**

Matt sat at his desk looking over the bulletins from headquarters. There were always new outlaws in the bulletins. He heard the familiar sound of heals on the boardwalk and went to his door, to greet the most beautiful redhead his eyes ever held. Kitty smiled up at her husband as he opened the door. "Now how did you know it was me?" She said as she held a large picnic basket.

"I heard your footsteps on the boardwalk." He said as he let her into the office. "Do I smell fried chicken?" He asked her eyeing up the big basket.

"Yes it is." She said as he started to take the basket from her. "Oh no you don't. We are not having lunch here in your office so Festus can come in and eat your lunch. You and I are going to have a picnic by the lake at Christmas Grove and do a little fishing and maybe take a nap too."

"I can't leave the office now." Just as he spoke, Newly came in the door.

"Miss Kitty, I got Festus taking over the Gun-shop and I'm here to watch over things while you and the Marshal take the day off." He said as he walked over to them.

"Newly, thank you. The Marshal and I will be at Christmas Grove if you need him." She said gently taking Matt's arm. Matt did not fight her nor argue with her. He knew that she wanted to be with him, and it had been almost a year since her hell with Bonner. He wanted her badly, but there was nothing he could do or say to her. He had to wait for when she was ready.

As they walked out of the jail, Matt was surprised to see a buggy ready and waiting. Gently taking her arm, he helped her up into the buggy then climbed in next to her.

The ride out to Christmas Grove was pleasant and quiet. Kitty held onto Matt's arm and snuggled against him. Matt gently leaned his head towards hers and inhaled the scent of her hair. He always loved the sweet smell of her hair. "You smell wonderful, Kitty."

"That's the fried chicken you smell and your belly doing the thinking." She said as she smiled up at him.

"Believe me, it's you that smells so good." He said gently reaching over and touching her thigh. Kitty looked at his hand and smiled.

"Don't worry, Cowboy, I've got a lot more than lunch planned for you." She said in her seductive voice.

Kitty laughed to herself as Matt pulled on the reins urging the horses to move faster. He was definitely ready for whatever she had planned.

His large hands slid up her naked waist as she straddled his hips. Her body moving up and down on his hard member. She was beautiful and he knew most men might feel like less of a man had they been on the bottom, but Matt didn't mind at all. The sight of his wife moving on him, made him crazier for her. Her body hadn't changed as much as he thought it would, since she had four children. The one difference was the slight belly she had. His arms wrapped around her waist as he sat up. His mouth devoured hers as she moved harder on him. Jerking her hips back and forth with a strength he had forgotten she had. Matt pulled her down under him and began to move with a fierceness she hadn't felt in a while. His hips moved frantically working to reach that spot. Kitty pulled her knees closer to her as her body began to reach that pinnacle. "Oh, oh, Matt!" She cried as her world once more exploded. As she clung to him, he continued to pump his hips forward until he found his release. Exhausted, he lay there on top of her, breathing into her neck. He could feel her warm hands massaging the muscles in his back. "You know, the last three times you loved me so intensely, we ended up with four children." Matt's head popped up so fast she had to laugh.

"You don't think…" He started but she gently lay her finger to his lips.

"No, I don't, Matt, I'm too old to have another child. I just thought it was something you should know." She said as her lips gently caressed his lips.

"I think I finally did work up quite an appetite." He said kissing her neck.

"I think we can take care of that." She said pulling his mouth to hers and kissing him intensely.

Matt sat at his desk as his belly grumbled. He was hungry because he never did get his fried chicken. Kitty had kept him very busy for the next few hours. He couldn't wait to finish with the paperwork and get home and get some food in his belly.

Kitty smiled at Adam as he tried to get the twins to take a bath. Kadie sat by the sofa playing with her dolls as she waited for her father to get home for dinner.

**TBC**


	26. From This Moment On

**Gunsmoke**

**Nineteen Years, Seven Months and Fourteen Days**

**Chapter 26**

**From This Moment Forward**

Matt stood by the table. Kitty was angry, very angry with him. She couldn't explain to him why she was so against his going to Cimmaron, but he knew that she did not want him to go. "Kitty, I can't put this on someone else. It's my job to take the prisoner to Cimmaron."

"Why? Because you're the Marshal? Why can't Newly and Festus take care of it? You don't always have to be the one who goes." Kitty said angrily slamming the pot down on the stove which startled Matt.

"Kitty, I love you and I love our children, but I'm going. You're just gonna have to deal with that. You can be as angry as you want, and I hope that you will forgive me when I get home, but I have to go." He said as he picked up his saddle bag and headed over to her and slid his arms around her. Gently leaning down, he kissed her on the shoulder and then headed out the door. Kitty suddenly turned in his arms and tightly hugged him.

"I love you, Matt. I'm sorry." She said as he gently pushed her back and looked into her blue eyes.

"I love you too." He gently leaned down and kissed her on the lips, then headed out the door. Kitty watched as he mounted Buck and headed for town. She watched as Thad passed Matt and spoke for a moment before continuing to the Dillon ranch. He would be staying there with Kitty and the kids until Matt returned.

The week had passed without any commotion. Thad had helped Kitty load up the kids in the wagon and headed into town.

As they pulled the wagon up to the Jail, Burke came running from the direction of the telegraph office to the jail where Doc and Festus were sitting outside. They stood to greet Kitty when they heard the commotion. A small crowd gathered around Burke who held the telegram in his hands.

"It can't be true." One man yelled

"No, it's a lie." Another yelled. The crowd was yelling and suddenly stopped as they watched Thad gently take Kitty by the waist and help her down. "The Marshal ain't dead!" He yelled and suddenly all went silent when they realized that the Dillon family could hear them.

Kitty looked up at Thad with terrified eyes. He gently held tightly onto her as Adam jumped out of the wagon an helped the others out and into the Jail

"Damn it, Chapman, did you have to say that?" Burke said as he looked over as the family disappeared into the jail.

Burke slowly entered the jail to find Kitty sitting down, she looked distressed and Doc knelt in front of her trying to get her to calm down. She seemed to have trouble breathing, and he was saying soothing words to calm her. The children sat on the cot, huddled together. He walked over to Newly and looked down at the telegraph in his hands then handed it to Newly who looked at the telegram and he couldn't believe what he was reading. "Marshal Dillon dead…stop…returning to Dodge…stop…"

"He can't be dead…" Kitty said in a soft whisper as she sat in the chair. Her head was spinning and her heart pounding brutally against her chest. 'This couldn't be happening again.' Her mind reeled. 'He couldn't be dead.' She wanted to crawl away, crawl into a hole. She didn't have the babies the first time he had died. She'd have to go on for them, but right now she wanted to crawl into a hole and curl up and cry herself to sleep.

"Let's get the family home." Doc said gently taking Kitty's arm and helping her to stand up.

Kitty headed to the door with Doc and Thad out of the Jail and over to the wagon. She did not look at any of the people standing around. She knew that they would only feel pity for her and that was something she could not bear. Climbing into the wagon, her children follow her. She felt her head spinning and she just wanted to fall into the bed. She didn't know what to do, this wasn't happening. She had told him to avoid the saloon and to make sure he always wore his gun. How could this be happening? Thad climbed into the wagon and he and Doc took Kitty and the children home. Back at home, Doc made sure that the children had dinner and Kitty sat by the fire, drinking a glass of whiskey and just staring into the fire. Doc realized that she was withdrawing. He walked over to her and knelt down in front of her. "Hey, you need to eat something, Sweetheart."

"Doc, why didn't he listen to me? Why didn't he just stay away?" She said as he looked at her.

Doc didn't know what to say. His heart was breaking for her and the children. He gently took her hands into his and just held them. Kitty got up and walked away.

"I need to check on my babies." She said heading for one of the bedrooms. Opening the door, she stepped inside and closed them behind her, leaning against the door. The sun was setting and she looked at the golden haired babies lying in the beds. Her twin sons slept peacefully, not really aware of what was to come. Placing her hand on her chest, she slid to the floor and cried as she thought of her children and their father.

The morning came too soon for her, as she lay curled around her youngest daughter who had sneaked into the room in the middle of the night. Behind her were her sons, Rusty and Mattie lay in the other bed sleeping. She slowly got out of bed and made her way over to the door. Doc and Festus were cooking breakfast and Thad was setting the table for the family. Kitty smiled as she headed for the washroom. She wanted to wash her face, rinse her mouth out, comb her hair before she faced the world. When she was done, she looked at her face in the mirror. She felt tired and she looked tired as well. But she didn't care about that. She started to cry again, but she forced herself to stop the tears. Getting herself together, she went into her bedroom and changed her clothing. Tomorrow she would go to town and meet the train that was carrying her husband's body.

Stepping out of the bedroom, she headed out to the family area. By this time, her children were up and at the table eating. The older children were already dressed as they had been out with Newly taking care of the chores. The younger children were still in their nightclothes.

"Well, good morning, sleepyhead." Doc said trying to lighten the room up.

"Good morning, Doc." She said as she buttoned her sleeve and headed for the table.

"Mama!" Her babies yelled and jumped from their seats to rush to her and give her hugs. Kitty smiled down at her little ones and gently rubbed their heads.

"Okay, you two, come back to the table and finish yer breakfast, littlin's." Festus said as he began to set a plate on the table for Kitty. "Miss Kitty." He said pulling out the chair for her. Kitty sat down, knowing that she had to put on a brave face for the children. Quietly, she sat down and looked at the food. She felt sick to her stomach and wasn't too sure she would be able to keep it down, but she ate the food and smiled slightly through breakfast.

After breakfast, she sent the children out to play while she had tea with Doc, Festus and Newly. Thad had to go back into town.

As she stood on the porch watching the younger children play, she felt a pang in her heart knowing that Matt would never see them grown up. Festus came out and stood beside her. She looked up at him and tried to smile, but her heart was breaking and she didn't want to hide it right now. He saw the tears begin to fall and gently wrapped her into his warm embrace. She sought comfort in his strength and friendship.

The day wore on slowly and night came without any kind of problems. Kitty lay in her bed alone, and once more cried herself to sleep. Tomorrow she would go with Doc and Festus into town and pick up her husband's body.

Doc leaned against the door with a cup of tea in his hand. He started to knock, but the gentle crying stopped him and he knew she needed to be alone. Turning around he headed back towards the kitchen.

Kitty did not sleep that night. She cried as sleep evaded her and her husband was not there to hold her, or make love to her. Forcing herself out of bed, she went into the washroom, cleaned up and got dressed for the day.

When she got out into the living-room the children were all dressed in their Sunday best, waiting for her.

"What are you children doing?" She asked them.

Adam, her eldest stood up and looked at her. "We're going with you, Ma. We want to say goodbye to pa as well." He said looking at her.

Kitty didn't argue, there were four of the most stubborn faces looking up at her. She had to smile, they all wore their father's stubborn face and it broke her heart. "Alright then, all of you get the wagon hitched up."

"It's already done, Ma." Adam said to her. Doc, Festus and Newly were already outside. Doc was in his buggy. Newly was standing by the buckboard waiting for Kitty. The children went to the back and Uncle Festus helped them into the buckboard.

The ride into town was a painful journey for all of them. There was no talking, no singing of silly songs with Uncle Festus.

They pulled up to the back of the depot station. Newly placed the break on and tied the reins around the break-stick. He then climbed down and gently reached up for Kitty to help her down. He gently placed on arm around her waist as Festus helped the children out of the wagon.

Kitty headed for the depot, going to the freight end knowing that's where his casket would be. The train pulled into Dodge and they all held their breath. Doc stood on the boardwalk by the passenger end. Kitty now stood alone. He couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. He scratched his head in confusion. As the train came to a stop, she watched as the door slowly opened and a young man stood beside the lone casket. The man standing there looked exactly like Matt Dillon in his late teens. She knew that she wouldn't be able to hold on much longer, her legs were weak and felt as though they would give out beneath her. She felt a familiar tightening in her chest, one which she had experienced many times, usually when Matt had been injured and she had waited to see if he would live or die. There was a blinding pain behind her eyes. Doc watched as Kitty reached up to touch her head. She could vaguely hear someone calling her Ma' as she fell to the ground. The young man ran from the car and leaned over her. Gently he lifted her into his arms.

"Get her up to my office. Festus, bring the children up please." Doc said looking at the young man who headed to his office.

Doc had placed a cold rag on her forehead, she was a little warm. He had unbuttoned the top few buttons of her blouse and unbuttoned her sleeves and was taking her pulse. Kitty began to wake up. She moaned and tossed her head slightly.

"How is she, Doc?" The young man asked.

"She's gonna be fine, Mattie. Where's your Pa?" He asked him.

"He was seeing to Sheriff Morgan's casket. He should be here soon." Mattie said to Doc. "Uncle Festus has Adam, Rusty and Galen, and Kadie over at the Long Branch, getting them sarsaparilla."

"Matt?" Kitty said in a weakened voice.

"I'm right here, Ma." Mattie said kneeling down.

Kitty sat up so fast it startled both Doc and Mattie. She looked at the young man and saw the boyish face of Mike's son. "Mattie." She cried holding her arms out to him. The young man sat down and allowed his mother to hold him in her warm embrace. He didn't like being babied, especially since he was the eldest of five kids, but she had been so distressed, he could not refuse her this comfort. She pulled back and looked at him, her hands touching his face, his arms.

"Ma…Ma, it's alright. I'm right here. Don't cry." He told her, pulling her back into his arms.

Matt came into the room. "Hey, Doc. Mattie?"

"Pa, she's been so upset since she woke up." He said getting up and moving out of Matt's way.

Kitty looked at him as though he was a ghost, and to her, he was. She gently touched his face, his mouth with her fingers.

"Sweetheart, are you alright?" He asked as she silently touched his chest. She couldn't speak as the tears fell down her cheeks. All she could do is send a silent prayer to heaven begging for this to be the end of the cruel joke that has been played on her the last nineteen years. Without saying a word, she pulled Matt's mouth down to her own. Her tongue desperately begging for an entrance that he allowed her and she tasted every crevice of his mouth. When they came up for air, Doc was standing there scratching his head. "Is she gonna be alright, Doc?" Matt asked gently wiping the tears from his wife's face.

"Yes, she's gonna be fine. But I don't want her doing any heavy duty work. She's not as young as she used to be and this baby, may come earlier than the others." He said enjoying the look of shock on both of their faces. 'Yep, that look would last him a long time.' Doc thought to himself. "Well, when you two are finished gaping at me, I'd like to have my office back if you don't mind." He said snickering at them. Matt stood up and gently helped his wife up.

The three of them headed out of the office and down the stairs. Matt had his arm wrapped around his wife's waist and both of them were smiling broadly.

Festus sat on the sidewalk with the children waiting for their Ma and Pa. He saw the smile on their faces and the last time he had seen that smile was when Kadie was born. He knew that the Good Lord had more than likely blessed them once again. Mattie was behind his parents smiling as well. "Yup, them thar is the bestest looking couple in Dodge." Festus said to the children who laughed at him and jumped up and ran to their parents.

She would face everyday as it came. But by Mattie and Matt both being here, she knew that this would be her life from this moment forward.

The End

I apologize for taking so long to finish this story, I'm usually on a roll, but a little show that I just started to watch this season got in the way; Criminal Minds. I've been doing a little writing for them. Nothing is on the web as of yet. Not too sure if I'm gonna follow through on that. Also, it doesn't help when your computer is down for the count. I've been off the grid for a few months but I am back and hope to continue to write.

Thank you for your patience.

Kathleen Russell


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